


Bad ideas - dreamnotfound

by Darmikyu



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Confessions, Crushes, Crying, First Kiss, First work :), Flirting, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gay, Gogy is just oblivious, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, M/M, Men Crying, No Smut, Secret Crush, Sexy af dreams cause those are fun to write, Unrequited Love, how do u tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:54:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 35,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27610294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darmikyu/pseuds/Darmikyu
Summary: Clay’s always been sure that he’s straight. Well, not always. There’s one thing in his life that causes a bump in his sexuality. And it comes with chocolate hair and eyes, and a voice like a song.George.
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Dreamnotfound-relationship
Comments: 84
Kudos: 374





	1. Haha screw first kisses

**Author's Note:**

> I love and respect both Dream and George! If they ever change their minds and say they are uncomfortable with this, my work will be deleted! Pls be respectful! :)

A glow emanated from the computer screen in front of Clay, giving him a strange and mystifying glow. Clay was slouched in his chair, scrolling through his Twitter feed on his phone. His monitor had George’s Minecraft stream pulled up on it, which he absentmindedly glanced at every once in a while. Clay could hear George humming to himself on the other side of the discord call. It wasn’t unusual for them to just sit in each other’s company, having each other’s presence was enough. The blonde glanced up at his monitor, where his eyes fell on the bottom right corner of the stream. Clay watched as George bit his bottom lip and furrowed his brow as he tried, and failed, to make a nether portal. 

George sighed, before walking away from the lava.The brunette paused for a second before speaking. “Hey Dream? What was your first kiss?” 

The question caught Clay by surprise and he quickly cleared his throat before providing an answer. 

“It was at the Nickelodeon resort when I was about 13. And in a hot tub.”

Laughter erupted from George’s mouth and he made a few fake gagging sounds. Clay watched George on his stream and couldn’t help but laugh as well. 

“What?! You asked!” Dream managed to choke out between wheezes. 

“It’s not like I actually expected you to say that of all things for your first kiss!”

They both broke into another fit of euphoric laughter before George gained his composure again and asked yet another question. 

“So… who was the lucky boy?” 

Dream shook his head as soft laughter continued to bubble out of his mouth. 

“You’re such an idiot.” 

“So who was it?”

Dream took a breath before answering. 

“A friend.”

George smiled on his stream and giggled, raising his eyebrows at the camera. 

“What type of friend, Dream?” 

“Oh my god you're just bored. Shut up.” Even though Clay spoke harsh words George still recognized that he was just joking and continued to laugh. The stream continued on with more joking. The chat continued going crazy asking Clay questions about the kiss, but both of the boys ignored it and continued to mess around. 

Clay was full for the rest of the stream. His mind kept going back to that day. He remembered it perfectly. How could he forget? 

_Fuck._ Clay rubbed his eyes with his hands, causing flurries of color to dance across his vision. He sighed and listened as George said his goodbyes to the stream. Clay shifted his position so his eyes peaked through the slots in between his fingers. His vision drifted up to his monitor where George had made his webcam full screen. He was smiling and waving like the idiot he was. 

_His smile is pretty._

Clay jolted upwards out of his chair as soon as the thought passed into his mind. He stared blankly into space as he tried to justify the intrusive thought that seemed to burn in his head like a hot iron. 

_No, I was just thinking that because his smile is pretty. Like in a best friend type way. Exactly. Problem solved._

Clay repeated this over to himself, slowly convincing his mind that it was just thought in the wrong context. He laughed uncomfortably to himself before sitting back down in his chair. 

“Dream, I’m gonna go to,” a yawn interrupted George’s sentence, “bed.” 

“Oh, ok.” Clay didn’t try to hide the sadness in his voice. He always enjoyed talking to his best friend. George giggled at the tone of Clay’s voice, before yawning yet again. 

“Goodnight, Dream.”

“Night, George.”

The familiar sound of someone hanging up rang through Clay’s headphones. He sighed and got up from his chair while taking off his headphones. He walked over to his dresser and threw off his clothes before grabbing a set of pajamas and heading over to his bed. Clay checked the time on his phone. He groaned as he realized it was barely past 10. The blonde fell face first into the black comforter that lay in a heap in the middle of his bed. 

As soon as Clay’s face fell into the mess of blankets, the memory from almost 9 years ago came back. 

~~~~~

_The door clicked shut behind the blonde boy as he ran down the hallway, wearing only swim trunks and carrying a white towel and keycard. A smile sneaked it’s way onto his face as he made his way towards the door that led outside to the pool. As he arrived at the door, he glanced around, checking to see if there was anyone near him. As soon as the blonde realized the coast was clear, he flew out the door as quickly and quietly as possible. He laughed to himself as he set his things down on top of a chair near the edge of the pool._

_Clay leaped into the deep end, sinking beneath the water, illuminated only by the soft, blue, underwater lights. His hair framed his face as he broke through the surface of the water. Clay climbed out of the pool, making his way towards the hot tub. As he sat down on one of the benches in the water, he heard a door click near the entrance to the pool area. Another boy was walking towards the blonde. Clay could tell he was shorter than him. The blonde could also tell that the boy was scrawnier than he was._

_The short brunette walked towards Clay, looking uneasy and nervous. Clay eyed him up and down and narrowed his eyes some. The shorter boy slowly climbed into the hot tub. As the light from under the water finally greeted the other boy’s face, Clay realized he was actually quite good looking. He had shorter hair that was a chocolate color. His eyes shared the same color as his hair. He had an almost fragile look, but fragile like a piece of art. He wasn’t very striking at first, but the more Clay looked at him, the more his features seemed to burn themselves into his memory._

Fuck, this guy’s beautiful. 

_Clay met the other boy’s eyes before finally speaking._

_“What… are you doing?”_

_“I thought you looked kind of lonely. So I came out.”_

_Clay looked the boy’s face over, searching for any evidence of him lying or making fun of him. He watched as the boy offered him a small smile, then looking back down towards the floor of the hot tub._

_“What’s your name?” Clay watched the boy as his head jerked back upwards at the sound of Clay taking._

_“Wow so you’re just gonna ask someone else’s name before you give your own?” George giggled at his own joke, which, in turn, brought a smile to Clay’s mouth._

_“Well, if you are so eager to know, my name is Clay.”_

_“I’m George.” George offered Clay a smile after stating his name._

_“My turn to ask a question.”_

_George tilted his head to one side, indications for Clay to ask his question. Clay thought for a second before deciding on what to ask._

_“How old are you?”_

_“15,” George said, while he sat up straighter in his seat. “How old are you?”_

_Clay groaned as he realized the brunette had him beat._

_“13.”_

_George’s eyebrows went up as he eyed Clay up and down._

_“No way. How are you younger than me!? You look like you could crush me if you wanted to!”_

_Clay wheezed out a laugh and scooted a few inches towards George. The shorter boy watched as Clay slowly slid till he was barely inches away from him. Clay could feel his heart rate picking up with every movement towards George. Clay’s hand slowly rose up till it was cupping George’s cheek._

God, he’s so fucking beautiful. 

_Clay’s eyes scanned over George’s face once again, his eyes finally landing on his lips._

I want to kiss him. 

_Clay smiled slightly at this thought and shifted his position till their knees were touching. George shifted along with Clay till their torsos were facing each other. Every time Clay looked into George’s eyes, he felt as though he were falling deeper into a pit that he didn’t know where the bottom was. And he loved it. He wanted to fall down this whole forever._

_The blonde leaned forwards till their foreheads were resting against each other. George was looking up at Clay’s eyes. The blonde’s eyes drifted down till he was staring at the older boy’s lips. Clay moved his other hand to rest on George’s other cheek. In a single movement, Clay met George’s lips with his own. It was obviously both of their first kisses. Their teeth clacked together at first, but after a few seconds they grew into a steady rhythm._

_Clay felt George's hands finally make their way into his hair, massaging his scalp. A smile broke its way into both of their faces as they both pulled away. Clay looked at George’s bright red face and he was sure his wasn’t much better. George broke into a giggle that eventually turned into both of them giggling like two middle school girls._

_As Clay went in and his lips landed on George’s once again, he heard someone walking and a bright light flashed into their faces._

_“Hey! What are you kids doing out here? The pool is closed! Save your kissing for your rooms!” A deep voice yelled at them from across the pool, causing their fun to come to an unexpected end. Clay grabbed George’s hand and leaped up from the hot tub before he started to run into the hotel after grabbing his things. George trailed behind him, his hand still threaded through the blonde’s. Finally they got to a staircase where they finally split._

_Clay looked at George as they got to the brunette’s floor._

_“So… I’ll see you later?”Clay looked down as he spoke, coming down from the adrenaline that had been pumping through his system._

_“Yeah. I’d like that.” George looked down at the ground as well. As he turned and started down the hallway, Clay grabbed his hand and pulled him in for one last kiss, before running up the stairs to his room. As he got into his bed after changing his clothes, he couldn’t help but smile and think of that boy’s perfect face._


	2. Not shy of a spark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Swearing, crying, internalized homophobia

Clay woke up still feeling like a 13 year old boy who was high on adrenaline. All of his blankets had been pushed to the floor during the night, leaving him completely uncovered. He lay there in his boxers, looking at the ceiling. As Clay placed the back of his wrist on his forehead, he realized that he was covered in a layer of sweat. The blonde groaned as he got out of bed, already in a pissed off mood. Clay walked towards his closet while grabbing his phone off the nightstand and checking the time. The light from his phone blinded him in the darkness that was his room. Across the top of the screen, his phone read 11:42. Clay rubbed his eyes, causing small stars to dance in front of him when he opened his eyes back up. 

As Clay took another glance at his phone, he saw a line of notifications covering his screen. The most recent notification was shown front and center on his screen. At the top of the notification, the name “George” was displayed with his message and the time stamp underneath. 

_Hey Dream! I’m gonna stream for a while around 11:30 your time and was wondering if you wanted to hop on? :) -1 hour ago_

Clay threw his phone down on his bed, thinking that he would join George’s stream later to say “hi,” before heading over to his bathroom and turning on the shower. He wasn’t in the mood to talk to George, scratch that, anyone right now. Clay got into the shower, the water burning his skin like the sun. He felt his sweat from last night wash off his skin, leaving the water to glide over his body. Even though he let the water run through his hair and over every part of his body he still felt a certain grime to himself. _It’s that fucking memory. The one time I slipped up and it’s fucking engrained in my mind._

Clays fist slammed against the wall of his shower, shaking the door. The blonde’s hair created a curtain from the outside world as his head tilted downwards. He could feel his eyes starting to water as tears built up on his eyelashes. 

_Why did I have to be born like this? What the hell. Why can’t I be someone else, someone with a better life? I don't want to be like this._

Clay felt a tear leak from his eye and slowly drip down his face, combining with the water that was already there. A sob escaped from Clay’s mouth as more tears spilled from his eyes. The blonde raised his head, hair plastering to his forehead. He watched as water slowly fell from the shower head. It glittered in the light, like diamonds falling and then breaking apart when they hit something. Clay’s tears mixed with the liquid jewels as they hit his face. 

_I can’t fucking live like this. Why was it me? I don’t like boys. I’m straight. I’m normal. I want to be someone else._

Clay stood in the shower for a while, silently letting the water wash away the feeling from the dream. The water washed away his tears, but couldn’t seem to dispel the feeling that appeared to be resting over his heart. The feeling that told him things he didn’t want to hear. The feeling that whispered softly into his ear, rustling the strands of golden hair next to it. The whispering started with chocolate hair, before moving down to perfectly describing the curve and color of a set of eyes belonging to only one specific person. The voice continued downwards, going over every piece of that person’s body till it was engraved into Clay’s mind.

The blonde’s back hit the back of the shower, supporting him as he tried to put his thoughts back in order. After a few minutes of standing, eyes closed, and clearing his mind, he reached over towards the shower handle and fumbled with it till the water turned off. Clay pushed his back up off the wall, slowly opening his eyes to the bright lights that illuminated his shower. He walked out of his shower to the main part of his bathroom and leaned against another wall. 

Clay pushed out a laugh as he realized abso-fucking-lutely stupid he was being. He was a straight dude. He could prove it with him having been with plenty of girls and ogling over them. Fuck guys. _Bitch of a heart, trying to convince me I’m something I’m not._

Clay shifted into a state of hysteria, wheezing out laughter as his mind and heart yelled at each other and tears splashed into the ground below him. He ran his hands under his eyes, wiping away the tears as he slid down the side of his bathroom’s wall, leaving a wet area where his back touched. Clay’s hand reached up and groped around on the bathroom counter, searching for his phone, before remembering he threw it onto his bed. Thinking about that caused another fit of hysterical laughing to come over Clay. 

His laughter seized to a stop as he remembered the text George had sent him before he got into the shower. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Clay sputtered as he got up from the floor of the bathroom, tripping over his own feet. The bathroom door swung open, hitting the wall behind it. The blonde threw on a pair of boxers and shorts before grabbing his phone and quickly unlocking it. The time displayed was barely after 12:30. He moved over to his setup and turned on his computer, pulling up George’s ongoing stream. Clay opened up discord and joined George and Nick’s call. 

“I don’t control Dream so don’t be grumpy about me not getting him online!” Nick sassed using his matter-of-fact voice. 

A British voice retorted, “I wasn’t saying you did control him. I was just saying I wished he was here.”

Clay’s face grew warm as he watched George lean back in his chair on his stream. 

“I’m not an idiot, Sapnap. If you could control people, who knows what this world would have come to.” Nick made a noise of frustration and Clay could hear him start clicking things with his mouse. 

Clay could tell the exact moment that Nick saw he was there because his head was immediately filled with Nick’s voice. 

“Dream’s in the call! Hi Dream!” Nick practically burst the blonde’s eardrums as he yelled into his mic. 

“Hi Dream!” A British voice also exclaimed. 

A wheeze escaped its way from Clay as he heard the absolute excitement in Nick’s voice. 

“Dream check my snap! Dream check my snap!” Nick prattled on, repeating the same phrase over. Clay continued to laugh as he grabbed his phone and opened Snapchat. Clay went through, opening his streaks and sending some back, before he got to Nick’s. He clicked on it, an image of Nick standing by a rack of clothes showed up on his screen. Clay read the text box where it captioned “when you have all these clothes and you still can’t change.” Nick’s face had a false solemn expression and his hand was grabbing some of the clothes. 

The image was slightly blurry, and Clay chuckled as he thought it was something Nick would definitely send. 

Clay held his phone up, getting the camera ready to send Nick a reply. The blonde took a photo of his lips down to his abs, his hand that wasn’t holding his phone positioned over his chest in a peace sign, thinking of something funny he could retort. He captioned the photo simply saying “who needs clothes anyway.” Clay laughed to himself, used to sending things like that to Nick. He clicked on Nick’s name and sent him the picture. 

The sound of Nick and George bantering with each other soothed Clay’s mind, convincing him that his thoughts must have been running rampid last night. 

A ding from George’s mic caused his train of thought to derail. George paused his speedrun on his stream and picked his phone up. 

“Sorry chat! I forgot to turn my ringer off,” George explained as he picked his phone up. His expression grew quizzical as he saw the notification. Clay shifted in his seat, his mind automatically going to the worst possible things that that notification could be for. The brunette’s face began to turn a slight red color as he peered at whatever the thing was. 

“Uh,” George cleared his throat before continuing, “Dream? I think you sent this to the wrong person…” 

George’s sentence trailed off as his eyes stayed glued to the picture. Clay’s phone was unlocked and Snapchat was opened at lightning fast speed. There, at the top of his screen, was George’s name with an “opened” under it. The blonde swallowed and clicked on the snap. The exact picture he had meant to send to Nick popped up on his screen. Blood rushed to Clay’s face as he realized George had just received a fucking picture of him _half naked._

A sickening feeling rooted itself in Clay’s stomach and started to grow up through his throat. _“Fuck.”_ Clay threw his hands over his eyes, groaning. 

“Gogy! Is Dream sending you naughty pictures?” Nick questioned, his voice clearly having a curious edge to it. 

“Um-“

“Sapnap! No I’m not!” Clay interrupted as his eyes narrowed, glaring at nothing in particular. 

A giggle was elicited from Nick and Clay could feel it in his bones that Nick was about to say something sexual. 

“Sapnap, don’t you dare.”

“Don’t I dare what Dweamy?” Nick questioned like he didn’t already know the answer. Clay could practically see his face, wide eyed and bottom lip out, just like a little kid would do. “Do you not want me to say that you’re sending nudes to Gogy?”

Clay’s head whipped towards his monitor where George’s stream was still displayed. The brunette had turned bright red and his face was stuffed into his hands. 

“You are fucking DEAD Sapnap! Lock your fucking doors!” Clay screamed through his mic as loud as possible. Nick had burst out laughing and Clay was sure he wouldn’t be sad if Nick died from air loss. George had finally lifted his head from his hands, his face still red, but a lighter red now. 

“Dream what did you send him? Gogy is bright red!”

“Uh-“ Clay started to say before Nick cut him off. 

“Actually, just send me the picture. I need to know what could melt Gogy like that.” Laughter streamed through Nick’s side of the call as he finished talking. Clay thought for a few seconds. If he sent Nick the fucking picture what would he really be able to do? It wasn’t anything inappropriate or weird. The blonde’s phone made a slight click sound as he took a screenshot. 

“Dream! Are you actually sending it to him?!” George whined as he continued to glance at his phone. 

Nick’s phone buzzed. A red dusting settled on George’s face. Clay felt a rock settle at the bottom of his stomach as the picture went from “delivered” to “read.” 

“Sapnap, are you fucking laughing?” 

“I. Can’t. Breathe.” Nick managed to choke out in between his laughing. 

“Dream, bro. I’m surprised George didn’t have a heart attack.” Clay rolled his eyes as Nick continued talking. “I mean your response was funny but holy crap Dream.” Nick tried to continue talking but instead fell out of his chair laughing. 

Clay could hear Nick climbing back into his chair under the sound of George’s stream through his headphones. George was waving at the camera, a smile plastered onto his face. He was still noticeably red from earlier. 

The brunette’s voice sounded slightly uncomfortable as he said his goodbyes to the chat. Clay’s eyes immediately wandered over to see what chat was saying before the stream was over. Half the chat was screaming “BYE GOGY” or some form of that while the other part was more concerned about other matters than the stream ending. Clay continued to glance through the chat at the strange messages popping through.

_-WHAT DID DREAM SEND_

_-DID DREAM SEND YOU A WEIRD MEME_

_-DID DREAM JUST SHOW YOU HIS FACE_

_-I BET IT WAS A FACE REVEAL_

_-GEORGE IS BLUSHING_

_-DID DREAM SEND YOU A DICK PIC_

The last message was deleted by a mod milliseconds after Clay read it. The blonde looked at his screen in shock, wondering if George saw the message. 

_George would have had a heart attack and died if I did that._

Clay sat for a second before adding to his train of thought. 

_And I wouldn’t do that. That’s stupid to think._

His thoughts ran off the rail as George’s voice came through his headphones. 

“DREAM!” 

Clay closed his eyes, waiting for the familiar sound of George trying to scold him while being flustered. 

“What?” Clay sighed out. 

“You know exactly what! You can’t just send me a picture of you,” George sputtered for a second, trying to find the right words, “ half naked!” 

“In my defense, I fat-fingered and clicked on the wrong person.” The blonde leaned back in his chair, Cooley responding to George’s outburst. 

This elicited a groan from George and the call went silent for a second. 

The brunette tribally broke the silence. “...what were you and Sapnap even talking about?” 

Nick let out a small giggle and shifted in his chair. “Well, I sent Dream an _amazing_ picture of me.” Clay snorted at this statement and rolled his eyes. “I was running my hand through some clothes and had a caption that was something like ‘all these clothes and I still can’t change’ or close to that.” 

George let out one of his Clay-or-Nick-did-something stupid-but-still-kinda-funny-laughs. “So Dream decided to respond to you with that picture of all the other things he could have done?” George replied sassily. 

“Hey, that was a good fucking response considering I had just gotten out of the shower.” 

“So do you just not put on clothes after you shower then?” Clay could tell George was just being a smartass now. 

“Oh yea definitely. Isn’t that what everyone does,” Clay shot back sarcastically. 

“Ewww Dream’s naked!” Nick yelled out, causing Clay to start laughing. 

“You wish I was Sapnap.” Clay winked even though his friends couldn’t see him. 

“Dream that’s gross!” George pushed out between laughs. They all continued laughing for a minute or two before catching their breaths. George sighed. “I’m gonna log off and get some sleep. I didn’t get a ton last night.”

A frown nudged it’s way onto Clay’s face. He checked the time on his phone. 

2:13

The numbers flashed up at him from his bright screen and he groaned. It was close to seven where George was. 

“Time zones suck.”

“Tell me about it. At least you and Sapnap have similar times.”

“But you're like 5 hours ahead of us!”

“Dream it’s fine. At least it isn’t 12.”

Clay leaned back in his chair, furrowing his brow. “Call us when you wake up?”

“Fine. _If_ I wake up, that is.”

The blonde chucked a pillow sitting next to him at one of his bare walls. “Bye George.”

“Bye Dream. Bye Sapnap.”

The familiar sound of someone leaving the call rang in Clay’s ears. 

“I’m gonna go get something to eat Dream. I’ll call you later.” 

“See ya,” Clay answered, his voice monotone. 

Clay logged off his computer and flung himself down on his bed. _I probably need to eat too._

The kitchen tiles froze Clay’s feet as he walked in, scrolling through Twitter in his phone. His feed was covered with people tweeting about George’s stream. 

_Some people read too much into shit. It wasn’t even that big of a deal. Yeah, George reacted a little but it’s fine._

The cool air from the fridge washed over Clay’s face as he swung the door open. He grabbed a price of cheese and stuck it into his mouth before nudging the fridge back closed and shuffling back to his room. 

His finger flicked along the screen of his phone as his eyes glanced from his phone back to where he was going. He scrolled past some fanart and random screenshots of George before his eyes landed on one photo that he had yet to see. 

The picture was zoomed in on George’s face from the stream. The brunette had his hand covering his mouth as he was looking at his phone, a red blush covering his face. There was no way George was looking at anything else besides the picture Clay had sent him. George’s eyes looked like they wanted more. 

Clay stopped in the hallway, his eyes growing wider as he continued to stare at the picture. His eyes flitted up to the rest of the tweet that person had made. The caption was short and simple but was too close to what happened for Clay to be comfortable. 

_Dream do be sending George those nice pics if you know what I mean… how Dream’s abs look George?_

The blood rushed to Clay’s face as he shut his phone off, rushing back to his bedroom. He threw himself onto his bed and quickly opened his phone back up, eyes scanning the picture again. _Fuck George looks so good._

Clay couldn’t stop thinking the thoughts he didn’t want to hear. A sick feeling rose into his stomach while his heart started to beat faster. He couldn’t tear his eyes away. _Did George really look at that picture like that?_

Clay wanted to call George again. Just to hear his voice. Clay wanted George here with him. Just to be closer. Clay wanted to be able to touch George. Just to see if George feels the same way. Clay wanted to slam their lips together and run his hands over George’s body. Clay wanted it. Clay wanted George. 

The blonde hit himself on the head. 

_This isn’t supposed to happen. I’ll sleep it off. The feeling will be gone when I’m up. It’ll leave. It’s gotta just be a natural reaction when you see someone looking like that._

Clay felt sleep taking him. His eyes slowly closed and the barriers in his mind came down as he slipped into sleep, letting out his thoughts and feelings. But Clay had already slipped into the place where you don’t remember what went on moments before you went to sleep. 

The sound of his phone buzzing wasn’t loud enough and Clay fell asleep before seeing the notification on his phone that read: _George took a screenshot!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got the chapter title from 505 by Arctic monkeys! Also sry for such a long wait for this chapter. I rewrote it like 3 times lol


	3. Call me when you’re sober

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Cussing, making out (idk of making out counts but I’m putting it in there)

It was barely after 10:00 when Clay finally woke up to the sound of his phone buzzing. The blonde pushed his hair out of his eyes and grabbed his phone from beside him on the bed. He rubbed his eyes, trying to clear his vision. The words on his phone cleared and “Punz” was displayed across the screen. Clay pressed the answer button without a second thought. 

“Mmm hey Punz. What’s up?” Clay said groggily, still trying to mentally wake up. 

“Hey Dream. No one else was on the SMP so I called you since your sleep schedule is just as messed up as mine.” Luke’s words were slurred and drawn together. Clay could immediately tell that the other blonde was on his way to becoming full out drunk. “You’re 21 now, right?”

Clay yawned and stretched his arms out before offering an answer. “Mhm yep. What are you doing anyway?”

“Kinda just been running around. I’m streaming by the way. Also drinking some.” Clay blinked a few times, listening to Luke’s words. The blonde felt like he had been thinking about something important earlier but blew it off. _If I can’t remember it, it’s not important._

“Wanna have a few drinks with me Dream? Got nothing better to do.” A shrug rolled through Clay's shoulders as he got up from his bed. 

“Yeah sure. Lemme go grab something.” The blonde cleared his notifications from his phone without bothering to look at them. Clay’s fridge cast a white light through his dark kitchen as he grabbed a few White Claws. The fridge shut with a soft bang. His chair rolled across the ground as Clay pulled it out from under his desk. Clay’s pc powered on with a slight whirring sound, the RGB lights illuminating his room in strange patterns. 

Minecraft booted up on his computer as Clay pulled up discord on his other monitor. The blonde threw his headphones onto his ears and logged onto the SMP. 

“So… what are we even going to do?” Clay asked as he opened his first drink. 

“I don’t fucking know. Mess around I guess.” Luke’s answer was ended by the sound of him taking another drink from whatever he was drinking. “Chat says we should destroy some stuff.”

Clay hummed out an answer, not really caring what they did. They finally met up on the SMP, and started simply walking around and destroying anything that wasn’t necessary or of any importance. 

Clay was pretty careful about how much he drank, but by 1 AM a third White Claw had been drained and was now laying on his desk, empty. 

Luke and Clay had stopped actually playing on the SMP around 11:30 and were now just talking about whatever seemed to come into mind. The older boy was shit faced, and sounded like he could pass out at any second. 

Clay felt like he could talk for days. Luke nodded along with whatever he said and put in his opinion when necessary, but pretty much let Clay hold the reins on the conversation. At some point in time Clay had pulled up Luke’s stream and was watching the chat fly by. 

“Mmm Punz? Can I ask a question?” Some of Clay’s words slurred together as he talked. 

“Sure. Hit me.”

“You ever like, thought about someone, in a… how do I say this…’bad’ way, per say?”

“If I’m understanding this right then hell yea. Who hasn’t.” 

Clay shifted in his seat, his mind trying to process what words to say. The walls in his head were crumbling. The alcohol was doing him in. Clay could practically feel water licking his stomach and hands combing through his hair. 

“What did you do about it?” 

The chat was going crazy. It was obvious this was a personal conversation not meant for thousands of people to hear. People were sending questions and their thoughts faster than Clay could read. 

Luke hummed as he thought about his answer. “Normally I just let ‘em run their course. It’s normally just some weird intrusive thought anyway. I forget about it when it’s done. No biggie.”

Clay’s head hit the back of his chair. He forced his eyes closed as he focused on those thoughts. The ones that broke through the walls in his mind. The blonde took another drink of his White Claw, almost finishing his fourth can. He let his muscles relax as he set the drink back down on the table. 

His mind felt groggy and his body didn’t seem to want to work right. For once in his life, Clay actually tried to remember that night at the resort. _This has to be the problem. I’ve never fully let the thought or memory or whatever it is run it’s full course. I’m a fucking idiot._

In an instant, Clay felt as though he were back in that dreaded hot tub. The sound of feet on the cold pavement by the pool cause him to jerk his head towards the sound. Something was wrong. Clay watched as not 15 year old George hopped in the water with him, but 24 year old George. 

_“What the fuck,”_ Clay breathed out, eyeing George. 

“Hmm?” George’s eyes met his own and Clay could feel the breath being taken out of his body. Clay knew what was coming next. They would ask each other a few questions and learn a little about each other. 

“Hey Dream.” The words fell from George’s mouth and rang in the blonde’s ears. 

_What. That’s not supposed to be the next part._

“Hi George.” Clay spoke without even realizing it. 

_This isn’t a memory, is it._

“Whatcha doing out here by yourself?” George questioned as a concerned expression washed over his face. 

“Uh- just couldn’t sleep I guess.”

George nodded with a certain understanding. The brunette sat down besides Clay, staring off at the night sky. As George watched the stars, Clay couldn’t keep his eyes from wandering over to him. 

The light danced on George’s chest, creating elusive patterns on his skin. They had never actually been this close to each other in real life. Clay wanted to touch him. Clay’s alcohol induced mind seemed to want him to as well. Without a second thought, Clay’s hand moved to sit on top of George’s thigh. 

The brunette looked at George with that same concerned expression.“Dream? What’s up?” 

Clay couldn’t stop himself. George was right there, even if it was just his imagination. _If I just live through this memory, I’ll be fine. It’ll be gone._

George’s eyes traced over Clay’s face where they ended up on his lips. The blonde inched closer to the shorter boy. _George is right here._

_I want him closer._

A sudden movement from Clay caused their lips to lock together. Clay could feel the kiss was different from his memories. Both of them were more experienced and were older. 

Clays hands roamed up George’s sides, wanting to remember every part of him. The brunette seemed shocked at first, his body growing stiff for a second, before melting into Clay’s touch and leaning forwards into the blonde. George slowly moved his hands to cup Clays face, pulling them closer. Heat seemed to radiate from Clay’s body and an almost lustful feeling seemed to take over. He pulled away for a split second, taking in the look of George, sitting there in the hot tub, his  
breathing heavy and his eyes staring back into Clay’s. 

Clay launched himself at George’s lips and pulled him into an open mouthed and soft lipped kiss. His hands traced over George and Clay pulled the smaller boy onto his lap. George’s hands slid along Clay’s forearms and back up to his head. George’s short gasps for air pulled the blonde back in every time they separated. Clay’s body pressed against George’s like puzzle pieces fitted together perfectly. Clay slid his hands under George’s shirt, slowly pulling it up and over his head. 

Both of them were panting now, looking at each other with a wanting look. 

George broke the silence, “Dream. Dream? Clay are you there?” 

Clay’s eyes shot open, revealing that he was still sitting at his computer, Minecraft still open. His breathing was still rapid and visions of whatever that was still ran through his unprotected mind. 

A sigh of relief left his mouth as he saw he had luckily muted himself. He clicked the mall unmute button before clearing his throat. 

“Yea? What’s up?” Clay’s mind still felt fuzzy from drinking and his words came out all jumbled. 

“Oh my god Clay you gave me a heart attack. You weren’t responding to any of my messages and people were telling me you were drunk and I was worried cause you never drink by yourself and then you weren’t answering me when I joined the call-“

“George, I’m fine. I’ve been 21 for a few months now. I can drink. Also I wasn’t drinking by myself. Punz was here. You don’t have to worry Gogy.” Clay offered a small laugh at the end of his sentence. 

The blonde could practically hear George thinking. 

“Uh Clay? How much have you drank?” 

Clay’s eyes scanned his desk, slowly counting the empty cans. “Four White Claws. Wait, scratch that. Four and a _half_.” 

“Fuck Clay, how are you not passed out right now? You're going to have a bitch of a headache in the morning.”

“Ahhhhh I’m fine George. Wanna know something funny? I was just thinking about you.” Clay closed his eyes. 

“Y-you were?” 

“Fuck yeah I was. When don’t I?” Clay’s eyes popped back open to stare at his monitor. 

“What were you,” George paused for a second and clay could hear him swallow, “thinking about me?” 

“Mmm I was just remembering that fucking kiss. Y'know the one. At the resort for that channel on TV.” Clay laughed to himself and rubbed his hands over his eyes. The memory was bitter sweet but the sour coating was coming off of it with every sip he took of his drink. 

“What does your first kiss have to do with me.”

“Cause my first kiss was with you! Dumbass… It was so perfect too. Besides us both sucking at kissing but come on George. You gotta remember your first kiss.” 

“It couldn’t have been me. How would it have been? I don’t even remember ever going into a hot tub. I know I went to that stupid resort but I definitely don’t remember that. You said you had your first kiss when you were 13 so I would only be around 15 and there was no way 15 year old me would just… kiss somebody.” 

“George you’re rambling.” Clay interrupted in a monotone voice. “And it was with you, idiot. You told me your name and where you lived and how old you were and what you like to do. You even told me your IGN.”

George was frozen. “No way this is true. You’re just screwing with me, aren’t you?”

Clay didn’t respond to the brunette’s question but instead carried on with the conversation. Clay’s finger tapped the bottom of his chin. 

“What if I visited you? Like in England. And stayed for a while.” 

“Dream, you're drunk. We can talk later but you need sleep.” 

Clay whined. “Gogyyyy, go back to calling me Clay. That sounds so much better.” 

A bright red blush creeped up from George’s neck to his face. 

“Uh Clay-“ 

The blonde hummed his approval and let George continue. 

“You have to stop drinking now and go to sleep. Make sure you drink a lot of water.” George could feel himself shaking and butterflies rose in his stomach. 

“Oh wait! I didn’t finish telling you about the kiss Gogy!”

“Dream, it’s okay, you really don’t have-“

“Aye! What did I say about calling me Dream? Also yes I am going to fucking finish. You were still really short. And not very strong. Kinda wimpy looking but you had a pretty face so I guess that made up for it. I was cool as fuck. You were really easy to get to do what I wanted. You kinda just melted into me, if you know what I mean.”

“Clay stop.” George had put his face in his hands and was trying to regain his composure. “You probably won’t even remember this tomorrow. You probably didn’t even want to tell me this!” A sigh escaped from George. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow Dream. Go to bed and get some aspirin.” 

The familiar sound of someone hanging up from discord sounded in Clay’s ears. It was only then that the blonde realized Luke had left the call long ago. 

Clay stared at his empty screen, before powering off his pc. His hand swiped against the top of his desk, hitting the empty White Claws onto the ground. “FUCK!” 

_I need to go to bed. It’ll be fine in the morning._

The blonde quickly stripped till he was only in his boxers. Clay threw himself onto his bed and set his phone beside him. _I’ll get some water in the morning like George told me to._

Clay’s room went silent as sleep grabbed at Clay’s groggy mind. The blonde slipped into a dreamless sleep. 

It seemed almost too soon when Clay heard his morning alarm from his phone. A splitting heading had taken root in his head. Clay groaned as he swung his legs over the side of his bed. He remembered drinking with Luke last night and then George was there at some point in time, telling him to go to bed, but that was all his mind let him recall. 

A ding sounded from Clay’s phone, causing him to whip his head towards the sound. He picked it up from the bed and checked the notification. 

_George :]_

_Hey Dream! I know you wake up around now and just wanted to make sure you take some aspirin. Call me later?_

Clay stuffed his phone into his pocket and walked towards his kitchen. The blonde grabbed a few aspirin from a cabinet and popped them into his mouth. Clay leaned back against the wall, rubbing his hands over his eyes. _What even happened last night?_

Clay's mind drew a blank. He combed his hand through his hair, sighing. A single memory popped into Clay’s mind as he closed his eyes. George’s body arching into his, the small gasps for air in between kisses, George melting to every one of Clay’s touches. It felt almost too real to be a part of his imagination. 

His eyes shot open, dispelling the memory. It felt too real for Clay to be comfortable. He wanted to throw up. He didn’t need any more of these fucking memories. 

_I should call George._

His phone still lay in his pocket. Clay unlocked his phone and pulled up George’s contact information. The picture he had for the brunette was simple. It was from a while ago when George had done his shock stream. George had his headphones off of one ear and anyone could clearly tell he was laughing. His eyes were squinted so they almost looked like they were shut. Clay thought he looked like he was barely 18 in the picture even when he was 23. 

Clay always laughed when he saw that picture. It never failed to make him smile and right now wasn’t any different. A lightness came into Clay’s eyes as a smile snuck into his lips. _Fuck it. How bad can it be to call?_

George’s phone rang once before Clay heard him pick up. 

“Dream?” Clay felt his heart beat faster at the sound of George’s voice. 

“Hey George. Uh- what’s up?” The blonde walked back towards his room in a state of euphoria. 

“Can we talk about l-last night?” George’s voice wavered as he talked. 

“Ah fuck. I don’t even remember anything besides me and Punz hanging out and then you told me to go to bed.” Clay could practically feel he was missing something. 

The blonde could hear George let out a breath of air. “Oh ok. Don’t worry about it. Are you feeling alright?” 

“Beside the fact I have a massive fucking headache, I’m peachy.” 

The line went silent, both boys trying to find something to talk about. “Last night you mentioned maybe… visiting me in England?” George finally said. 

“Wait would you be okay with that? I've been thinking about asking you for a while but I guess it just kinda slipped out last night.”

George breathed out a small laugh. “Yea idiot I’d be fine with that. Besides, I’d get to see your face.” The brunette said in a taunting tone. 

“Oh come on. You’ve seen my face.”

“In a picture of you when you were like 10!” Clay wheezed from George’s defensive tone. He was like a puppy trying to defend itself. Not very effective, but cute. _I can think my best friend is cute, right? Girls do shit like this all the time._

“Do you want to see me George?” Clay’s tone grew soft, almost haunting. 

“Yea, Dream. I’d really like to see you and meet you for real.” George’s tone had a loving edge to it, and it cut into the walls in Clay’s mind. _George wants to see me._ Butterflies flew around in his stomach as Clay tied to stifle the smile rising in his lips. 

“When?” 

“Soon.” George’s answer was short, but definitive. 

“Just us?” Clay stared at the wall in his room, waiting for George’s answer with a blank face. 

“Just us.” A smile appeared on Clay’s face as he tried to stop too many emotions showing in his voice. 

“I’ll talk to you later Gogy. I’ve got to eat.” 

“Bye Dream.”

Clay hung up the call and jumped into the air. “YES!” He couldn’t keep the smile off of his face as he danced through the kitchen. _I get to see George, for real._

~~~

George ran his hand over his face. _I should’ve just told him what happened. He doesn’t even remember. I suck as a friend._ The Brit opened up his phone and couldn’t help but feel butterflies as he stared at his home screen. It was that fucking picture of Clay that he stole off Snapchat just yesterday and he couldn’t seem to stop looking at it. 

George wanted Clay here with him. _How the fuck did I end up falling for my best friend._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did someone say speedrun this chapter cause I’m low key really invested in this now? Also highschool is boring af so this is what I do in my classes instead.


	4. Around you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: swearing

Clay locked the door to his house and grabbed his suitcase. George had found him a plane ticket to Brighton that left at 9:30 PM his time that same day. Clay had planned to stay with George for about 2 weeks. The blonde threw his suitcase into his car and checked that he had done everything he needed to do. 

The drive to the airport felt like it took 100 years. Clay couldn’t get there soon enough. He parked his car in the overcrowded parking garage and a smile split onto his face. He was one flight away from actually seeing George. Clay knew he probably looked crazy. A 21 year old guy walking around in black ripped jeans with a neon green hoodie and a giant smile on his face. 

Clay walked through the airport as fast as he could without breaking into a jog. He reached his gate 15 minutes before his flight was scheduled to take off. Clay’s phone buzzed in his pocket and he picked it up, looking at the caller ID. George’s name popped up on the screen and Clay’s smile grew even wider. His finger instinctively pressed the answer button. 

“George!” 

“Hi Dream. Are you on the plane yet?” George’s voice was fringed with excitement. 

“Nah, I’m not on the plane. I’m at the gate though.” Clay sat down on a chair and placed his on-flight bag next to him. The blonde closed his eyes and listened to the familiar sound of George breathing. 

The Brit finally broke the silence, his voice wavering. “10 hours.”

Clay swallowed and nodded. “Yeah.” He breathed out. _So many fucking years. It feels almost ethereal._

George had been his best friend for so long and yet they’d never seen each other face to face. Hell, George hadn’t even seen his face besides on pictures from when he was just a little kid. 

“George can you promise me something?” 

“Yeah Dream?” Clay could hear the nervousness spiking in George’s voice. 

“You’ll,” Clay paused before restarting his sentence, “you’ll call me Clay. Not Dream.” The blonde put his hand over his mouth, waiting for an answer. He could feel his leg start bouncing. 

“Y-yeah. I promise.” Clay’s shoulders slumped with relief. 

“Thanks George.” 

The intercom alert sounded and Clay heard the lady at the desk start talking. 

“Flight 618 now boarding first class. Flight 618 now boarding first class.” 

The intercom crackled off and Clay could hear George’s breath catch in his throat. 

“Well, this is me.” Clay grabbed his ticket from his pocket and got into the line to board. 

“Call me when you get to England?” 

“Of course, idiot.” A laugh escaped George’s mouth. 

“Talk to you soon Clay.” 

“Bye George. Love you.” Clay heard George laugh again before hanging up the phone. He turned his head to face the front of the line. A lady in her early thirties was standing in front of him and smiled. 

“You going to see your boyfriend?”

Clay tilted his head to the side in a confused motion. “Hmm?” 

“Oh I’m sorry but I just happened to overhear you on the phone and I assumed you were maybe going to see a boyfriend.” 

A blush rose from the base of Clay’s neck and traveled to his cheeks. 

“Um I mean, not really but kinda at the same time?” 

The lady nodded, seeming to understand. 

“Well, good luck with your ‘not-boyfriend.’” The lady smiled and winked at Clay, leaving him a blushing mess. _What the fuck. Do we really sound like that?_

Clay’s face was still red when he walked up to the counter to get onto the flight. The ticketing agent was a girl who looked to be around the same age as him. She eyed Clay up and down before grabbing his ticket. As he started to walk down the hallway towards the plane the girl spoke. 

“Y’know, I was going to ask for your number when I saw you in the waiting area but I heard your conversation with that lady and I don’t think it would be exactly right of me to ask out a guy with a boyfriend.” She laughed and Clay felt his cheeks heating up again. “Well anyways, have a good flight sir!” 

Clay walked towards the plane feeling dazed. _They really think I’m gay. Fucking hell. I’m not gay._ If Clay could have screamed he would have. The walls in his mind were back up, barring his emotions. 

He had gotten a seat near the very front of the plane and at the window. A man slid into the seat next to him. Clay threw on his headphones and connected them to his phone, starting one of his playlists. The blonde didn’t bring many things on the flight. He planned to sleep through most of it anyways. 

Clay barely stayed awake through the take off of the flight, watching the scenery slowly get smaller and disappear. The sky was dark blues and purples, entrancing Clay’s mind. It wasn’t long before they were over the ocean, miles and miles of water spreading out before them. 

The plane cruised smoothly through the air, lulling Clay into sleep. It was a few hours before he woke up. Clay checked the time on his phone. He groaned when he saw that the flight still had 7 more hours. Almost everyone on the plane was asleep. 

Clay’s brain thought back to the lady and ticketing agent and what they had said. He sat there for a moment before opening up his phone and pulling up the notes app. Clay’s fingers flew across his keyboard as his brow furrowed. Clay sat typing for almost 2 hours before putting his phone away and falling back asleep. 

Clay blinked his eyes open as he felt the turbulence of the plane coming down towards the airport. He wiped his eyes and watched the city come into focus. The plane touched down on the ground and Clay’s phone regained connection. The flight attendants opened the door to the walkway to the airport. Clay could feel his heart start racing. The blonde knew it would be another hour or two till he actually got to Brighton, but he couldn’t help feel slightly nervous. 

His luggage seemed to take forever to get to him. Clay made his way through the airport, got a rental car, and grabbed some food before starting the drive towards Brighton. The blonde grabbed his phone from the seat beside him. George picked up the call barely a second after Clay had rung him. 

“Dre- I mean Clay! You’re in England!”

Clay wheezed at George’s voice. “Yeah. Bout an hour away from you though.” 

Clay heard a slight thumping sound from George’s side of the line. “Are you fucking doing that leg kicking thing?” 

“Mmmmm maybe.” George giggled and Clay could tell there was a smile on his face. 

“George I’m gonna hang up. It’ll make it more exciting.” George whined but seemed to comply. 

“Hmph. Fine. I’ll talk to you later dumbass.” 

Clays phone beeped with the sound of the dead line. The road in front of him seemed to stretch on forever. It was like an oasis when George’s city showed up. Clay followed his GPS to George’s address. The blonde slowed the car down to almost a snail’s pace when he pulled onto George’s street. 

George lived in a nice place. It was a two story house and he didn’t have any roommates. Clay parked on the street in front of his house. The blonde unloaded his bags from the trunk and made his way to the front door. Clay’s hand hovered above the doorbell. _This is it. What we’ve been waiting for._

The doorbell sounded as soon as Clay touched it. The sound of someone running down stairs and across flooring came from inside the house. Clay’s hand flew to his hair and ran through it, quickly making sure his appearance wasn’t below par. 

The door cracked open slowly. Clay’s breathing picked up as time seemed to slow down. Brown hair peaked through the gap in the door. The door flew the rest of the way open and a small person flew out the door and wrapped its arms around Clay’s chest. 

“Clay!” 

The blonde recognized the shape of the body and the sound of the boy's voice. 

“George!” Clay really didn’t know what to say. He folded his arms around the boy in front of him. George stepped back from Clay. His eyes scanned up and down Clay’s body. 

“Wow…” George breathed out. “You look like some sorta model.” 

Clay fought back the blush rising to his face. 

“And you look like an idiot.” 

George giggled as his eyes landed on Clay’s face. The blonde’s breath caught in his throat. Clay reached forwards and brought George into another hug. The smaller boy came up just a little past Clay’s shoulder. A comfortable silence settled into the air around them, neither one knowing how to say what they wanted to. 

Clay had thought it would be uncomfortable when he finally showed up, but the blonde couldn’t feel more at ease with George right there. A minute later they finally separated. 

“You’re shorter than expected.” Clay joked. George stuck his lip out in a pout. 

“You’re uglier than expected.”

A wheeze escaped Clay. “Says the guy who just told me I looked like a model.” George stuck his tongue out before grabbing Clay’s bag and walking into his house. 

“I’m taking your stuff and leaving you to sleep on the street. Now what are you gonna do?” 

“No, Gogy! Don’t leave me!” George had closed the door most of the way and was looking through the small crack. Clay let his back dramatically hit the door and placed the back of his hand on his forehead like he was part of a medieval play. George rolled his eyes and watched as the blonde slowly slid down the door. 

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to go to your mom’s house. She was telling me she missed me.” Clay got up and started to walk towards his car, suitcase in tow. 

George swung the door open. “Ew! What the fuck Clay!” The blonde turned back towards George’s house where the Brit was standing with a disgusted expression on his face. 

Clay started laughing with his signature wheeze. “Now you’re the ugly looking person here!” The blonde managed to squeeze out in between laughs. “I’m gonna fucking piss myself!” Clay had to put his hands on his knees to stop from falling over laughing. 

George started to laugh as well. “Get inside, idiot.” They boys made their way into the house, still laughing softly. The inside of George’s house was pretty normal. Clay followed George up the stairs to the second floor, looking at the pictures on the walls. Most of the pictures were of George’s family or his pets. 

There were three rooms upstairs, George’s room, a bathroom, and the extra room that George had for when people stayed over. The brunette had his own bathroom which was connected to his room. 

George and Clay set down the blonde’s bags in the guest bedroom. “You should probably get settled in. Come downstairs when you're done?” George asked with a small smile on his face. 

“Yeah, sure. It’ll only be a few minutes.” Clay watched as George turned and left the room, heading down the stairs to his kitchen. The door to the room swung shut as Clay started unpacking. _George is right here. After so many years._

Clay breathed out and closed his eyes. After a second of just sitting there, he opened his eyes back up and made his way down the stairs. George was sitting on a chair in the kitchen with a cup of water, scrolling on his phone. Clay sat down next to him and pulled out his own phone. He quickly took a picture of his and George’s hands sitting on the counter. Twitter opened up on the blonde’s phone and Clay posted the picture with a short caption. 

_Finally met the idiot @Georgenotfound. He’s short._

A few seconds after Clay posted it on his main account he heard George’s phone buzz and the sound of a Twitter notification. A punch landed on the blonde’s shoulder. Clay laughed and watched as George’s fingers flew across the screen of his phone. A comment from George popped up under his post. 

_At least I don’t smell bad :b_

“Oh you’re so mature.” Clay taunted. He scrunched his nose up at the Brit and crossed his arms. George giggled before responding. 

“I know I am. You wish you were this mature.” A smug smile crept onto his face as Clay lightly pushed George's chair further away from his own. George’s stomach growled lightly and Clay broke down into a wheezy laugh. 

“George are you a little hungry?” Clay managed to say in between his laughs and rushed gasps for air. 

“Maybe. You don’t know that.” George got up from his chair and started walking towards the sink to wash his cup. A small click sounded from Clay’s phone as he snapped a picture of George from behind. The blonde logged onto his second Twitter account and quickly added a stupid caption to the picture before posting it. 

_He don’t cook but he clean ;)_

Clay couldn’t help but laugh at his caption. Comments immediately started to show up. The comment section was a combination of the rest of the lyrics to WAP, people talking about George and Clay actually meeting, and then some comments saying “dnf.” Clay rolled his eyes and walked over to the door, putting his shoes on. 

“George hurry up. I’m relying on you to be able to steer us to the good food around here.” Clay shouted over his shoulder while stuffing his wallet into his pocket. 

George lifted his head with a confused expression. “Aren’t we just going to get Uber eats?” The blonde turned and tilted his jaw upwards, meeting George’s eyes.

“You really think I came to England just to sit in a house and _not_ go out and explore?” George looked away, not being able to hold Clay’s gaze. Clay blew some air out of his nose and grabbed his keys. He could hear George’s footsteps rushing to keep up with him as he started down the driveway. Clay clicked the unlock button on his keys and started his car as he walked over. The car door swung open and Clay hopped in. 

Clay turned to George as soon as the smaller boy was in his seat. “So where can we go to eat?” A small smile danced on Clay’s lips, very unlike the expression he wore barely a minute ago. George glanced up at Clay before looking back towards the street. 

“There’s a few fast food places that have-“ 

Clay interrupted George halfway through his sentence. “Come on, George. Take me somewhere that isn’t fast food.” The car still hadn’t moved and the blonde’s eyes were still trained onto George’s face. George lifted his hand and pointed down the road. 

“There’s a few places over there I can show you.” The car pulled into the street and headed towards the direction George had pointed at. Both boys stared forwards at the road, the radio playing the “top” songs. 

A strange feeling Clay couldn’t place rose in his stomach. _I can’t tell if this trip is gonna be great or a fucking disaster._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda just died cause I have too many ideas for other stories but not enough time to write shit. Also finals are gonna screw me over :b


	5. Send me racing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: crying, swearing, kissing 
> 
> Also lots of my chapters are inspired by songs that I have been listening to so I am going to start putting some of the songs that I’ve been listening to in the notes 
> 
> Songs: Hills have eyes - Poorstacy, error playin’- ball park music, be around me- Will Joseph cook, black magic- Eminem and Skylar grey

The car pulled into an empty parking spot in front of the restaurant. The restaurant wasn’t anything extremely fancy, but more like somewhere you would go if you had a casual date. George couldn’t help but feel nervous. Clay swung his legs out of the rental car, the rest of his figure following. His car door slammed closed before he walked around to the front of the car, looking at George through the windshield. 

The smaller boy scrambled to get his door open. He practically fell out of the car trying to get out. _Fuck, I probably look so stupid right now._ George rubbed the back of his head as he offered Clay a small smile. The blonde pursed his lips, trying to keep in a laugh. Clay softly shook his head before turning and starting to walk towards the door to the restaurant. George rushed to catch up to Clay. 

“So…what’s so good about this place you wanted to bring me here?” Clay glanced down at George through the corner of his eye. The shorter boy shrugged. 

“I guess a lot of people just come here for whatever reason. A guy asked to take me on a date here about a week ago, actually.” Clay had known George was gay for a while. He didn’t know some guy had asked him out. A strange feeling grasped at Clay’s heart as his eyes narrowed slightly at the thought of George going on a date with someone. _What the fuck. Why didn’t George tell me he got a date? Who even was that motherfucker who asked him out?_

“Did you say yes?” Clay stared forwards, barring any expression from coming onto his face. 

“Nah, he wasn’t exactly my type.” George paused and took a second to think. “I’d only talked to him like once or twice. Also he only talked about himself or acted like a know-it-all the few times I actually had a conversation with him. Kinda a bitch.” George huffed out a small laugh and shook his head. “No, not kinda a bitch. A real bitch.” Clay swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat, his expression immediately becoming softer. 

He took a second before responding. “Well, I’m happy you didn’t go on a date with a fuckweasel.” George giggled at Clay’s creative swear. 

“Fuckweasel? Really?” 

“What else was I supposed to call him? An undeserving fuck llama?” George started laughing harder and the blonde couldn’t stop a grin from spreading on his face. They made their way up the stairs to the door and George began to reach for the handle. The door flew open violently and Clay grabbed George’s hand, yanking him backwards into his chest. A pair of girls walked out the door, giggling softly. They saw the two boys dodge out of the way of the door and their faces fell into worry. 

“Oh my god! Are you guys okay?” One of the girls spoke up and took a small step towards them, a concerned expression covering her face. 

George smiled at them and waved his hand in a reassuring gesture. “It’s okay. We didn’t get hit. Clay pulled me out of the way.” The smaller boy tried to crane his neck to look at Clay. George could feel the blonde’s steady heart beat and the rise and fall of his chest. George’s eyes met Clay’s and a hot feeling rose to his cheeks as Clay studied his face. George glanced out of the corner of his eye at the girls. The two both glanced at each other with a knowing look and a smile. _Oh fuck. They probably just recognized us and now I’ve exposed Clay cause I said his name._ The smaller boy cast a look back up at Clay, whose eyes were still trained on George’s face. George didn’t realize he was still holding Clay’s hand until the blonde squeezed his hand in a comforting way. 

“You okay George?” Clay said in a low voice, barely above a whisper. The heat crawled up George’s neck once again, his face turning red. The smaller boy nodded his head shakily, trying to fight back the blush. Clay’s hand released his own and the blonde stepped backwards, causing his chest to separate from George’s back. George hadn’t realized how warm he had been until that heat was gone. 

The two girls waved at them before starting to walk away. “I’m so so so sorry I almost hit you!” One of the girls blurted. “Oh and uh- guy in the green sweatshirt,” George looked over his shoulder back at the girls, who were clearly talking to Clay since the brunette was wearing black, “you and your boyfriend are really cute together!” The girls giggled again before walking off on the sidewalk. George’s heart started to race as butterflies danced in his stomach. _Oh my God. Do we actually look like a couple?_ George couldn’t help but want to smile. He felt like a middle school girl but he didn’t fucking care. 

George really wasn’t entirely sure whether to feel happy or conflicted about people seeing them as cute together. He knew Clay was straight, but he couldn’t help the warm feelings from rising in his chest. Who wouldn’t be able to fall in love with him? He was tall, blonde, had a slight wave to his hair, his jawline was sharp, and he just looked like a model. Clay appeared at George’s side and they made their way into the entrance of the restaurant. 

The two were only at the restaurant for barely over an hour, mainly talking about random things and just trying to wrap their minds around them actually getting to meet each other. The car ride back to the house was filled with laughter and bits of conversation. George couldn’t help but feel at home sitting next to Clay and talking about whatever was on his mind. There was never an awkward pause or lull in the conversation. 

As they arrived back at the house, the two boys decided on simply watching a movie for a while. George focused on getting the popcorn, practically dancing around the kitchen, causing Clay to laugh at him. They settled down next to each other on George’s couch, barely two inches between them. George wished they could sit closer. A few minutes into the movie, Clay’s phone buzzed from where it was sitting beside him on the cushion. The taller boy pressed answer and put the phone on speaker. 

Will’s voice came out of the phone. “Hi Dream! Hi George!” Will's voice dropped to a whisper. “I’m assuming George is by you.” George giggled before responding. 

“Yeah I’m right here.” Clay’s head turned to look at George as he spoke. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming to Brighton? I feel hurt, Dream.” Will faked a sad tone of voice, eliciting a snort from Clay. “Where are you staying?” 

“Oh George just has a guest bedroom in his house that I’m staying in. I’m surprised at how clean George has managed to keep the place.” George scrunched up his nose and stuck his tongue out at the blonde. Clay shot a smug smile right back. 

“We should actually meet up now that you are truly in England.” Will chirped from the other side of the phone. 

“Hell yeah. You still haven’t seen my face either so that’ll be a surprise. I’m just too hot. I’ve had to hide myself from the world.” Clay placed the back of his hand on his forehead in a dramatic way, getting George to giggle and roll his eyes. 

“You’re so stupid,” George chuckled. 

“Is Dream being a dummy again Gogy? Do you need rescuing?” All three boys laughed before Clay spoke. 

“Are you free tomorrow for lunch maybe?” Clay glanced over at George who happened to look at him at the same time. The blonde didn’t miss the slight dusting of pink that grew on his friend’s cheeks. 

“Mmmm yeah I think so. Lemme check.” The sound of Will’s keyboard clicking came through the speaker. “Yep! All clear for lunch tomorrow! If you want I can swing by George’s house and just pick you guys up.” 

George nodded in affirmation, signaling that he agreed. “You can’t see it but George is nodding. That sounds great. Pick us up around 11?” 

Wilbur chirped out a quick “Yep.” 

“Hey we’re gonna go. We have a movie to finish. Talk to you tomorrow!” Clay smiled as he spoke. 

George quickly said his goodbyes. “Bye Wilbur!”

“See ya Gogy and Dreamy!” 

The dead line beeped when Will hung up. George and Clay turned back towards the screen of the TV. The blonde’s head hit the back of the couch as the movie began to play again. George really wasn’t interested in watching the movie. His eyes continued to flick back to Clay and then to the screen. _Fuck. I should really tell him that I know about what happened during his first kiss._ George couldn’t help but drift his line of sight down to the taller boy’s lips as he thought. _After the movie. Then I’ll tell him._

The movie seemed to drag on forever for George. It was almost two hours later when the movie had ended. The boys had managed to shift into more comfortable positions during the film. George’s head rested on Clay’s shoulder while Clay had his side pressed against George and his arm slung around the back of the couch. The brunette opened his mouth to talk just as Clay spoke. 

“Wanna watch another?” The smile Clay was beaming at George made the smaller boy’s mind go blank. His mouth hung open for a second before he nodded his head softly. 

“You can pick.” George yawned after finishing his sentence. 

“Don’t tell me you're tired already. It’s only like 7:00!” The taller boy put on a pouty face. “We still have to watch a scary movie.” George groaned. He fucking hated scary movies but he wasn’t about to just say no to the guy he liked. 

“Fine. But don’t make it anything really bloody.” Clay pumped his fist in the air and yelled out in triumph, a grin splitting his face ear to ear. He immediately grabbed the controller and typed in the name of a movie, pressing the play button when it showed up. Clay rearranged his arm to be wrapped around George once again and butterflies tickled the inside of the brunette’s stomach. 

George had to resort to digging his face into Clay’s shoulder at most times during the movie. Clay chuckled every time he did, letting George hide his face in the taller boy’s warm figure. “I didn’t realize you hated scary movies this much.” Clay whispered into George’s ear, sending shivers up and down the brunette’s spine. 

“Well I do and now it’s your fault I won’t be able to sleep tonight.” Clay chuckled lightly and turned back to watching the film. George practically forgot about what he wanted to tell Clay, getting wrapped up in the scent of his cologne and the warmth of his body. The movie didn’t seem to take as long as it really was in George’s opinion, of course it helped being able to hide next to Clay, but it was just after 9:15 when the credits started to roll. 

A ball formed in George’s throat. _I have to tell him. It wouldn’t be right of me not to._ The smaller now breathed in slowly and blew out his breath, turning to face Clay. “Hey, uh, Clay?” 

The younger man turned towards George, a calm and at ease look on his face. “Yeah?” 

“You know that night where you got drunk and I had to call you and tell you to go to bed?” Clay’s expression fell. His brow furrowed and a confused and concerned expression washed over the previously calm look. 

“Yeah…” Clay’s eyes flitted over George’s face. 

“You told me about your first kiss. Everything. You told me the whole story.” George watched as Clay’s eyes widened in shock and his mouth dropped open. The blonde looked like he was frozen. “I-I tried to stop you but you wouldn’t listen and you just kept talking and I know.” George turned away from Clay, not really sure where to look. 

George glanced back at the other boy. His mouth had closed but he still had a look of surprise written all over his face. “So… you know it was you.” Clay said it as a statement, not a question. George nodded anyway. The blonde ran his hand through his hair, breaking eye contact with George. 

“Clay.” George said gently. “Clay listen to me. I don’t think any different of you. It’s fine. It happened years ago. I-“ George stopped speaking, not really sure of what else to say. His eyes travelled down to Clay’s lips. _Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck…_ Clay watched George’s eyes scan his face and land on his lips. It took barely a second before George leaned forwards and pressed his lips onto Clay’s, tilting his head slightly so their faces fit together. The taller boy sat there still for barely a second before pushing back into George’s soft lips. Clay’s hands reached up and traced up George’s arms where they landed in the sides of the brunette’s face. George’s nerves fired wherever Clay touched him and he melted into his touch. George felt a smile coming onto his face. _I’m kissing Clay. Holy shit._ Clay watched as George’s eyes slowly fluttered open. George stared into the light greens of Clay’s eyes, completely in disbelief. 

It was like someone flipped a switch. In a second, Clay’s expression changed, turning cold and sour. His hands removed themselves from George’s face and he stood up stiffly. 

“Clay…?” The look in George’s eyes was innocent and Clay knew that but it was just _too similar_ to what happened before. He couldn’t let himself get wrapped up and carried away in false emotions. 

“I’m leaving.” Clay turned and made his way towards the door, not bothering to grab his things. George’s eyes widened and he stood up, placing a hand on the taller guy’s shoulder. Clay rolled his shoulder, shrugging George’s hand off. 

“Clay. Clay I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that that wasn’t okay-“ the end of George’s sentence was cut off by Ckay turning around and giving him a glare that could have killed. 

“Oh yeah. Cause kissing your best friend is ‘okay.’” Clay used air quotes to emphasize the okay. George flinched backwards at the sudden hostility. 

“I said I was sorry, okay?! Why’d you kiss back if you didn’t like it?! I would’ve stopped if you just said so!” George yelled at Clay, his eyes watering as tears leaked from his eyes. Clay could feel his hands shaking and it felt like his insides had shriveled up. _I need to get out. I need to go somewhere that isn’t by him._

The blonde spun on his heels and snatched his keys from off the counter, opening the front door to the house. The sidewalk and road were silent and unmoving, only illuminated by the soft lights from the street lamps. His car sat on the opposite side of the street. Clay didn’t remember walking over and getting into his car, his mind was still racing. He dug the palms of his hands into his eyes. Clay furrowed his brow at the wetness that fell on his hands. _When did I start crying?_ A sob escaped his lips and he fumbled for his phone in his pocket. _I need to talk to someone. Anyone._ His phone unlocked with a soft click, the phone app still open. He pressed the first person on his recents list and the phone started ringing. 

It took a few rings for Will to answer. “Hey Dream. What’s up?” 

“Wilbur, where do you live?” Clay managed to say in between soft sobs. The blonde could hear Will shift in his seat. 

“Woah Dream are you crying? Did something happen? Is everything okay?” Will’s voice was laced with worry and concern. Clay hated it. 

“Clearly not! Wilbur just tell me where you live.” Clay said in a hard tone, fully prepared to drive anywhere just to get away. 

“Dream, tell me what happened.” Clay sighed before answering. 

“He kissed me, okay? He fucking kissed me.” Will didn’t answer right away. 

“I’ll be at George’s house in 5 minutes. Don’t drive anywhere. I’m gonna hang up for now but look for a silver car.” The line hung dead in Clay’s hand. He scraped his hand through his hair and closed his eyes. 

It wasn’t long before he heard a tapping on the window and saw Will’s face peaking through the tinted glass. The door unlocked with a click and Will slowly opened the door, leaning down to look into the car. “C’mon. My cars right there.” Clay slowly crawled out of the car, casting a glance at George’s house as he walked towards Will’s silver car. They both hopped into the car and the brunette started driving down the road. 

“Dream, you have to tell me what happened. I can’t help if I don’t know.” Will looked between the road and the boy besides him. 

“I already fucking told you. He kissed me.” 

“I need more details than that.” Will’s voice was stern. 

Clay sighed before beginning. “We were sitting on the couch and he started talking about when I got drunk like 2 days ago. He told me that I told him about my first kiss.”

“Didn’t he already know about your first kiss?” Will questioned. 

“Yes but no. I told him the just of it but not everything. Wilbur, my first kiss was with him. He was there and I-I kissed him. I don’t know why but I did it.” Will nodded, becoming Clay to go on with his story. “Well he said that I told him that it was with him and then he kissed me. Just out of nowhere. So-so I left.” Will pulled the car to the side of the road, stopping it. 

“Did it feel good?” The question caught the blonde off guard. 

“What.” Clay enunciated the word in a warning tone. 

“When he kissed you?” 

“Okay Wilbur, that question has literally noth-“ Clay was cut off when lips landed on his own. The kiss was barely a second and felt so much different to Clay than when George had kissed him. 

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Clay yelled as he wiped the sleeve of his sweatshirt across his mouth. 

“Did that feel different?” Will’s face remained unchanged like nothing had happened. 

“WILBUR YOU JUST FUCKING KISSED ME!” 

“Did. That. Feel. Different.” Will said again, annunciating each word. Clay huffed as he realized he wasn’t getting anywhere by yelling. 

“I mean, yeah I guess.” 

“How?” 

“What the fuck Wilbur. Is this an interrogation now?” Clay wanted to strangle the older man. _What the fuck was he doing?!_

“Answer the question, Dream. How did the kiss feel different.” Clay’s mouth popped open before shutting again. He didn’t speak for a few seconds, thinking of an actual answer to the question. _Why did that kiss feel different?_

Clay cleared his throat, feeling uncomfortable still. Wilbur started to drive again as the blonde began to talk. “I-I guess with you I wanted to pull away. I didn’t want to kiss you. But when he kissed me it was kinda like my brain and my body weren’t communicating. My brain wanted me to pull away but… I couldn’t. I didn’t. It felt good.” 

Will nodded his head lightly. Clay felt small. He felt exposed, like Will had just ripped open his heart and spilled his feelings and thoughts all over the floor for everyone to examine. The silence between them was suffocating Clay. He watched out the window as the dark sky flew by. Will didn’t even look at him as they drove down the road. _Fuck, he hates me now. Ha, even I don’t like me. Why would anyone if they figured out I kissed a guy?_

The silence was broken when Will pulled onto his street, parking the car and turning it off. “You have 2 days. Then you have to go back and talk to him.” Clay looked at him, an almost scared look in his eyes. Will glanced at him and sighed. “Don’t fucking look at me like that. If you're like this, how bad do you imagine he is?” Clay hadn’t thought about what George was doing. _What if he’s not fine._

A shaky breath was released out of the blonde’s nose. “Okay. Two days. Thanks, Wilbur.” Will simply hummed a response, clearly still deep in thought. They both hopped out the car and made their way into Will’s house. The place was a similar size to George’s. The older boy showed Clay into the guest bedroom he had. Neither one spoke a word, still not really sure what to say. Clay shut the door after Will left, facing the window in the room. His head hit the pillow with a full sound. It took just a few minutes before Clay drifted off into a dreamless and shallow sleep, disturbed only by the damage in his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap I have too many ideas for this fic and I am so excited to keep going! 
> 
> (Also thank u guys for being so supportive of my writing :) I love u all <3)


	6. I wanna be here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: swearing, crying(idk if that counts but ok) 
> 
> Songs: why’d you only call me when your high- arctic monkeys, 505- arctic monkeys, golden- Harry styles, choke- I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THE FOUND ME

Fingers traced up and down the underside of Clay’s forearm, causing him to shiver softly. His eyes fluttered open slowly, revealing a person lying next to him with their head on Clay’s shoulder. The blonde blinked a few times to try and clear his vision. A yawn escaped from his mouth and the smaller person shifted their position so they were looking up at Clay’s face. 

“Good morning.” A thick British accent accompanied the words and Clay didn’t even have to see the person to know who it was. 

His brow furrowed in confusion at the situation. He was back in the guest bedroom of George’s house. His suitcase was strewn in the corner of the room where he had left it. “George?” 

The older boy hummed a response. “Mhm?” Clay opened his mouth but no words came out. What was he supposed to say? _How did I get back? I swear I was at Wilbur’s._

George nudged Clay softly, knocking the blonde out of his train of thought. Clay heard himself talking without even noticing he was going to say something. “George are you okay?” The question was simple but even Clay couldn’t miss the fondness that had laced itself around his words. The question might have been shallow but it felt like it meant so much more. 

Clay wanted to punch himself. He had to stop doing this around George. His voice would become soft and his heart would get a warm feeling whenever they were together, and the taller boy hated it. 

The brunette cocked his head with a confused look. “Why would I not be okay?” 

“Uh- Last night I ran out on y-“ Clay stopped himself. The room felt like it had shifted in some way. Some of the objects in the room were blurry and unfocused, and even though Clay was lying partway under some blankets and on a bed, the only thing he could feel was George. Something clicked in Clay’s mind. “This isn’t real, is it?” The air seemed to gain weight and press down on his chest, on his heart. 

An innocent and kind look was what George offered. “Do you want it to be?” Clay’s tongue rose to the roof of his mouth, ready to say the word “no” before stopping. 

_Do I?_

Clay could feel it. The soft touches in the morning, pale skin lying over his own sun-tanned skin, chests pressed flat against each other’s, lips melting into his. 

_Do I want that?_

George’s hand drifted up to cup the blonde’s jawline, jerking the boy out of his thoughts. The warmth of George’s breath tickled the hair by Clay’s ear. A silence had settled between the two. Clay felt like he was suffocating in his thoughts that pounded in the inside of his head. 

“Clay, I wanted this.” George looked up at Clay, blinking a few times as he did. Clay watched as solemn tears slid down the smaller boy’s cheeks and built up in his eyes. “Clay please answer my question. Do you want this?” The blonde wanted to speak. He wanted to tell George to not cry. He wanted to be able to hold him and dry his tears. 

Brown eyes locked their gaze on Clay and caught him like a trapped animal. A horrible lump formed in the blonde’s throat, not allowing him to speak. George’s breathing had become shaky. Clays toned arms wrapped gently around the smaller boy nestling him into his side. 

The heat of George’s body faded as a light came piercing through the room. Clay inhaled sharply, the scent of old blankets and empty rooms filling his nose. His hands gently rubbed his eyes, taking in his surrounding. The walls of Will’s guest bedroom stared back at him with their bland cream color. His shirt stuck to his chest, damp with sweat. A feeling of frustration rose up inside him. 

_Another fucking dream._ His head twisted to look at the clock in the room. _9:03_ flashed at him in bright red. His hand groped around in the nightstand as his legs swung off the bed. A line of notifications covered Clay’s lock screen. His fingered swiped across the screen to read the first one which appeared to be from Will. 

_Hey Dream. I left some clothes outside your door since you didn’t bring any. I think you are pretty close to my size. Take whatever you want from the kitchen for food.  
-8:51_

Clay powered his phone off, not bothering to check the other notifications, just happy to get out of his old clothes. His phone landed on the bed softly as he got up the rest of the way, making his way towards the door. 

The door opened and shut quietly as Clay snatched the clothes from the door handle outside the room. Will had left him a solid color shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants. He let out a sigh as he looked at the sweatpants. _Grey. Of all the colors._ Clay wasn’t about to just refuse clean clothes though, so he threw them on anyway. The older boy hadn’t left him a sweatshirt so Clay simply continued to wear his lime green hoodie. 

Although Will was pretty close in size to Clay, the pants bagged around his ankles near the elastic at the end of the sweat pants. The blonde shuffled through the house to the kitchen. Will was sitting at his small table, a mug of something in one hand and his phone in the other. 

“Good morning. There’s some food in the pantry and some coffee on the counter.” Will said without looking up from his phone. Clay smiled slightly and softly waved at the other boy before turning to make a coffee. The sound of the coffee machine filled the room. 

Clay knew Will had said it was okay to stay in his house for a few days, but the blonde still couldn’t help but feel like he was intruding. Clay cast a glance at the other boy. _I’ll have to find some way to repay him._

The boys sat at the table for a while, trying to ignore the events from last night. Eventually Will got up and began to pick up the things he used for breakfast. As he stood over the sink, he placed his hands on the edge of the basin and hung his head down. 

“Dream,” Clay tilted his head slightly but didn’t offer a vocal response, “I’m not sorry I kissed you. The kiss didn’t mean anything besides proving a point.” Will turned his head over his shoulder, studying Clay’s expression. The blonde’s jaw had dropped open a little and his eyes were focused on nothing. Will noticed right away that he wasn’t being ignored, but Clay was just thinking. 

Clay’s Adam’s apple rose and fell. The younger boy's phone had turned off and was now sitting lifelessly in his hand. He didn’t look at Will as he spoke, instead settling for stirring his spoon in his mug. “What…what was the point?” 

A dumbfounded look struck Will’s face. “You really don’t know?” He turned the sink off, wiping his hands on a towel as he turned to face Clay. “You told me how the kisses felt different. That was the entire point.” Will’s tone was nothing short of blunt and cold. Every word Will said felt like a jab into the blonde’s chest, and with every hit the memory of kissing George replayed. 

Clay got up from his seat without talking and walked back into the bedroom he was using, shutting the door behind him. He didn’t mean to be rude or seem ignorant, he just couldn’t stand being by someone when thoughts of kissing another _guy_ were running rampant in his head. It was bad enough he knew what went on in his brain. 

_I have to get this out of my fucking head._

His head hit the pillow with a soft thunk sound and clay closed his eyes, focusing on the darkness that covered his vision. Clay lay on the bed for a while before he couldn’t take just _sitting_ there any longer. His hand snaked over to his phone. The feeling of cold metal seemed to burn his skin as the phone app opened up. Clay’s thumb hovered over George’s name and he combed his hand through his hair. His thumb clicked on the contact information and that stupid picture that he had for George’s number stared back at him. 

_I can’t fucking do it._ Clay scrolled down his contacts list. His eyes narrowed slightly as they fell on the only other person in his life that had been fucking everything up. The phone rang for what seemed like termite before someone answered. 

“What the fuck do you want.” The words are said as more of a statement, a warning almost. There was no kindness or playfulness behind those words. 

“Is-“ Clay swallowed, trying to form words in his mouth, “-is he okay?” 

“He’s fine.” The words were spat out of the other boy’s mouth. Clay could tell by the change in the other guy's voice that he wasn’t telling the truth. _Why did I even call Quackity?_ Clay didn’t want to say he hated the darker haired boy, but Alex seemed to be moving steadily down on the blonde’s “good” list. 

Clay knew it was stupid. George was able to have other friends. George was a full grown man. It had been about a month or two since Alex had glued himself to George. Wherever the brunette was, Alex was sure to be there soon. Clay felt like his heart was falling in his chest whenever the two spent hours on call, just laughing and talking about anything. Sure, him and George still talked, but Alex always stole George’s attention anytime the blonde and him were together. 

A silence had settled between the two on the phone. “Quackit-“

“You’re an asshole.” Alex interrupted. Clay inhaled sharply, wanting to say something back, wanting to defend himself. His mouth stayed part way open, none of the horrible insults he had in his head coming out. 

Alex continued talking. “You- you just break things. You _ruin_ things. You don’t deserve to be friends with George. You don’t even deserve to be in his life. You're just an ignorant bastard who can’t accept that you can’t control everything. Hell, you can’t even accept yourself!” Alex’s voice got quiet. “I don’t even know what he sees in you.” 

Clay felt small. He felt like Alex had shrunk him down to the size of a penny, and if Alex said anything else, Clay would be crushed. The blonde wasn’t sure if he was supposed to hear that last sentence, but it hurt anyway. Clay sat in silence. _How am I supposed to respond?_

A question planted itself into Clay’s brain. “Is he mad at me?” Alex blew a gust of air out of his nose. 

“No, he isn’t.” Alex grumbled. Before Clay could talk, Alex began speaking again. “I don’t know _how_ he isn’t but he isn’t. Dream, you are constantly doing stuff that doesn’t sit well with George and yet every time you do something, he forgives you. It’s stupid. In his eyes, it’s like you can’t do anything wrong! You are literally all he talks about and it’s annoying. George is too good of a person.” 

“I’m a real fuckup.” Clay could feel the mods of the call suddenly lighten, like a match had been lit. 

What Clay could almost consider to be a laugh softly passed through his phone’s speakers. “Yeah, you really are.” 

“Uh- Quackity?” A breath flew into the blonde’s mouth as he thought about his words. “I’m sorry. For… I guess everything.” Clays fist clenched as he thought of every time he’d stepped out of line and done something wrong or bad. As the words rested in the air, Clay realized how much it stung to have to say sorry. Alex stayed silent on the other side of the line. The mere seconds that passed felt like hours to the blonde, waiting for _some_ sort of answer. 

Alex’s voice was soft, almost inaudible. “Just call him. Talk. I don’t care if you don’t feel the same way, but you have to fix what you messed up.” 

“Bye, Quackity.”

“Bye.” Clay’s arms slumped down on his bed. The floor of the house creaked with the sound of Will walking around. The blonde’s hair lay on the pillow around his head like an angel’s halo. Clay sure didn’t feel like an angel though. His whole body felt heavy, like he wouldn’t be able to move even if he tried. Small sounds from Will doing things in the house drowned out Clay’s thoughts. 

For a while he lay like that. Soft thoughts eventually began bubbling back into his mind. Clay opened the notes app without even thinking. His fingers were barely able to keep up with his brain. He wrote down everything.

_I can’t stop thinking about it. Why’d you do that? Quackity said you talked about me a lot. Will you still talk about me after what happened? I started thinking about you a lot too. Have you ever tried to forget something that you aren’t sure you want to? I’m not sure I want to forget what happened. I feel like I’d forget you instead._

A YouTube notification appeared at the top of the screen. A shaky finger tapped on the banned, just to clear it. The YouTube recommended screen glared at Clay. In the middle of his screen, a compilation video beckoned him. The blonde felt it taunting him. He clicked it.

Clip after clip played, each one showing times where either Clay’s or George’s mask they put on for the stream slipped. In some, they had a little too much affection laced into their words, other times it was in the way George’s expression changed, or the tell-tale signs of one of them getting flustered. Clay watched as George smiled from something he had said and butterflies bumped around at the insides of his stomach. 

A loud knock on his door shook him out of his warm haze. “C’mon Clay. You haven’t eaten all day besides breakfast.” The sound of Will’s voice was muffled through the wood of the door. 

_What the fuck?_ Clay’s eyes shot to the clock on the wall. _Five-fucking-thirty eight._ A groan sounded from the blonde. _Was I really watching those stupid compilations for hours?_

Clay glided down the stairs and into the kitchen. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling. Will noticed his change in demeanor almost immediately. Without looking up from his food, the older boy began talking. “So, something good happen?” A confused expression rolled over Clay’s features. 

“What?” 

“Well, you’re not fucking sulking anymore so something good must have happened in ur stupid brain after you and Quackity stopped talking.” 

Embarrassment rose up in Clay’s chest, his cheeks getting warm. “Uh, you heard that?” 

“My house isn’t soundproof, Dream.” Will seemed completely unfazed by anything that was going on. The blonde pulled out a chair, dragging it across the floor before throughout himself onto the seat. He fidgeted with the sleeves of his sweatshirt, glancing up at Will every few seconds. 

Will slammed his silverware down on the table, moving his gaze up to meet Clay’s. “Why the _fuck_ are you staring at me?” The younger boy winced silently. He had forgotten how quickly Will’s emotions could change. Clay stayed silent, looking away from the brunette. A sigh escaped Will’s lips. “Fucking fine. George’s house is like a ten minute walk from here or I can give you a ride.” 

Those words shook Clay out of his stupor. “What?! Why do you think I’d want to go back already?” A blush spread on Clay’s cheeks just from the thought of going back to George. Will cocked one of his eyebrows, a knowing look in his eyes. A defeated sigh was all Clay responded with before turning towards the door. “I’ll walk. It’ll be fine.” Will nodded once before turning back to his food. If Clay didn’t know any better, he would have thought Will just didn’t care. 

~~~~~~~ 

The sky was dark for it only being close to six o’clock. Strange shadows danced on the sidewalk in front of Clay’s feet. The steady rhythm of his steps lulled the blonde’s mind into a strange state. Wind whistled past his ear, whispering small fragments of carried conversations. Wisps of his hair swooped in and out of Clay’s line of sight. 

The tall boy’s hands were shoved deep in his pockets, the cold biting at his fingertips. The walls and doorsteps of houses passed by him as he continued his solemn march towards absolution. 

Clay’s mind raced with possibilities of what could happen. He felt like he was always drowning in his mind nowadays. 

_What if George decides not to forgive me? What if Quackity lied and George is actually really sad and angry with me?_

Wherever his mind wandered, he came back to the same conclusion: _I don’t want to lose him._ He turned the corner onto a new street and stopped. George’s house was the third one on the left. The rental car still sat where Clay had left it. 

His hand ran through his hair, fixing his gold locks. Clay started to walk again, his pace slower, more stiff. The street lamps illuminated George’s front doorstep, revealing a person sitting on one of the steps. Clay’s pace quickened, his nervousness getting the better of him. 

Clay knew that hair, the curves of the person’s body. _George._ George was looking up at the sky, his brow furrowed slightly in thought. Clay’s breath caught in his throat. He reached his hand out and gently touched the brunette’s shoulder. The boy in front of Clay flinched slightly at the sudden contact. George’s head whipped around to look at who had just touched him. The smaller boy’s mouth opened in surprise as his gaze met Clay’s. 

“George, I’m-” Clay was cut off by George. The smaller boy stood up rapidly before wrapping his arms around Clay and burying his head in the soft folds of the blondes’s sweatshirt. 

“Clay, please don’t be mad at me. I know I’m a screwup and what I did really sucked. You’re straight, and I knew that, but I kissed you anyway. I’m really sorry. I got caught up in the moment, and one thing turned into another and I kinda lost my control and you looked so perfect and I-I-” A sob escaped from George’s mouth. Clay stood there like a piece of stone. He could feel George’s tears seeping through his sweatshirt. The younger boy’s eyes widened, trying to think of something to say to the boy who was currently crying into his sweatshirt. 

_It’s okay. I’m not mad at you. I thought about what happened too. I understand. I… don’t regret kissing you that one time in that hot tub when we were young, and I don’t regret this now._ Words of comfort and reassurance streamed through Clay’s head, but the words couldn’t escape his mouth. The boy opened and closed his mouth, trying to speak, trying to say _something._ George gripped onto Clay like if he let go they would both fall apart like their currently crumbling sense of comfort in each other. 

Clay brought his chin down to rest on the other boy’s head and wrapped his arms around George. The blonde’s breath entered and left his mouth shakily, his voice still vacant. Small circles were rubbed into the small of George’s back by strong tan hands. Their breaths slowly synced and their heart rates settled into a steady rhythm, like the beats of two songs. Clay pulled back, looking into George’s dark eyes. _Fuck._ The thought was whispered inside his head. His eyes wiped over the brunette’s face. George’s eyes seemed to scream at George with their longing look. The blonde followed the bridge of the smaller boy’s nose down to his lips. 

Their breaths mingled together in the barely three inches that separated their faces. Clay glanced back up to his friend’s eyes, his breath stopping at the strong gaze that met him. His eyes slowly trailed back down to George’s lips. _This time I want it too. This time it will work._ Barriers fell in Clay’s mind with just a simple look at George. _This time I won’t go away._ Clay’s face moved in, causing their noses to brush against one another. Clay found his hands wandering up to the sides of George's face. 

George’s eyes glazed over and his lips pursed shut. The brunette took a step back away from Clay. A wetness started to come to Clay’s eyes and he blinked quickly, willing the tears to stop. His heart fell to his stomach, shattering it into small pieces. George let go of Clay, a pained look infiltrating the smaller boy’s otherwise stone cold expression. 

“Let’s… go back inside. You probably need new clothes to wear.” George opened the door and slowly walked in, leaving Clay standing out in the dark England streets. The blonde brushed his sweatshirt sleeve over his eyes, his stomach shriveling up inside of him. 

A thick feeling settled into the small house. Clay felt like he was suffocating in his room. His fist hit the wall with an unsatisfactory thud. The blonde’s back hit the wall, sliding onto the floor. It wasn’t long before Clay drifted off into a disturbed sleep. 

~~~~~~~~

George stood leaning against the wall next to Clay’s door. A clear droplet fell from his eye, dropping softly onto the floor. _I can’t kiss him. He’s…_ George didn’t know what to say anymore. What exactly were Clay and him? The brunette tilted his head to look at the door that separated the two of them. George could open it right now and tell Clay everything, all of his thoughts and feelings: Or, he could play it safe, keep the door closed, and walk away, never having to come back. 

The door cracked open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha sry for the long wait for this chapter. I couldn’t think of how I wanted to word a lot of these events so hopefully you guys like it <3


	7. By my side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: swearing
> 
> Songs: flowers- the neighborhood, take me to church- hozier, don’t trust me- 3OH!3, Sofia-clairo

Clay’s hand gripped the blanket that lay over him before his eyes flashed open. His breath rattled in and out of his body. _A nightmare._ Clay almost laughed at the irony. _Ha. Dream having a nightmare._ The blonde rubbed the corners of his eyes. His eyes squeezed close, trying to rid his mind of the remnants of the nightmare. 

_Hands sliding through each other, shiny tears landing on cheeks, a scream, blood, the flash of some sort of weapon._ The nightmare faded to a close, disappearing from Clay’s half-awake memory. The feeling of the dream haunted Clay, taunting him with not being able to remember the dream. 

He sat up from his makeshift bed on the floor, looking around the room. A pillow was on the floor and a blanket was laying over him. _What the fuck? I definitely did not make myself a fucking bed on the floor before falling asleep._ Confusion swirled in his stomach before a knock on his door caused him to jump. 

“Clay, you awake?” George’s voice carried through the door, barely audible. The blonde pushed himself off the floor, heading towards the door. The door was pulled open by Clay, revealing George standing outside the room, clearly looking cold. Clay leaned against the wooden doorframe, crossing his arms in front of his chest as he did. 

“Mhm. What’s up?” Clay managed to say before yawning. George looked almost frozen in front of him, staring, before looking up at Clay’s eyes and replying. 

“I-I made breakfast. If you want some. There’s pancakes and a little bit of bacon.” Clay didn’t miss how George’s eyes caught on his lips before traveling back up to his face. 

“I’ll be down in a second.” The door closed with a defining thud. A soft sound came from the bed as Clay fell forwards onto it. The blonde groaned. _Why the fuck does he always have to just…_ Clay’s thought stopped, not really sure of where he was going with it. _Why is he always in my mind?! Can’t he just fucking leave?!_ Memories of George saying he lived rent free in people’s minds played through his head. _Dammit. He’s just my best friend. I don’t_ like _like him._ Clay rolled onto his back, his eyes staring blankly at the ceiling above him. _Think of the girls I’ve liked, think of the girls I’ve liked, think of the girls…_ The sentence repeated in the blonde’s brain, like an alarm that wouldn’t shut up. 

His mind flashed through names of girls who he’d known personally and girls he’d just seen on TV or walking down the street. _I like girls. I’m-I…_ Clay’s mind stopped as the sound of someone singing drifted up through the vent in his room. 

George’s voice was muffled, the tune of the song being mainly hummed with small phrases being sung. A certain tightness squeezed Clay’s heart. George didn’t like singing around other people. The brunette always said he got embarrassed. Warm needles poked into Clay’s chest. It wasn’t like George had an amazing singing voice, it just meant something to Clay. The blonde had only heard his friend sing one other time. He’d joined a call that George had been alone in, only to have his headphones filled with the sound of George’s voice, softly singing the words to some love song. Clay could remember his heart catching in his throat as he sat still and listened to George. The younger boy had eventually cleared his throat, scaring the other one. George had come up with some excuse, sputtering that he had to leave. 

The floorboards creaked as Clay finally got up and made his way to the stairs in George’s house. The walk down the stairs felt longer than it should have, time dragging out. His feet landed on the main floor with a thump, the singing stopping as soon as the sound was made. 

Clay turned the corner, stepping into the kitchen. A speaker was set up on the counter, quietly playing music as George made his way around the room, cleaning things and putting stuff away. The brunette looked over his shoulder and smiled as Clay made his way to the table. A few pancakes and some strips of bacon were left on the table. 

“Sorry, I already ate without you. I woke up really early this morning.” George rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. 

A mouthful of pancakes inhibited Clay’s answer as he tried to respond. “It’s okay. I get up kinda late anyway,” the sentence came out as a jumble of words that Clay didn’t know if George could decipher. A small chuckle came out of George’s mouth as he continued to clean up the kitchen. 

Clay receded back into his own head, not wanting to bother the other boy. _Are we just going to ignore what happened?_ His fork moved the pancakes aimlessly around the plate. His gaze flicked back up to George, who had moved on to stuffing things in his dishwasher. _Does he still want to kiss me?_ The fork screeched against the plate making a horrid sound. The brunette sent a glance over his shoulder making sure the other was okay. A small apologetic smile was George’s answer. _Think about something else. Think about something else, think about something else..._ Clay’s mind raced trying to distract himself from what happened yesterday. Small shivers travelled up Clay’s spine as thoughts of him trying to kiss George ran through his head. _What the fuck was I thinking?_

If Clay could have punched something he would have. His grip on the fork tightened, his fingernails digging small crescents into the palm of his hand. A tap on his shoulder caused the blonde to jump slightly. Clay’s head whipped around, only to see George standing there, a slightly confused expression on his face. 

“Did the pancakes do something? You’ve been glaring at them for a while now.” George followed up his words with a small laugh, before looking back at Clay. The blonde rubbed the back of his neck and breathed out, the tension leaving his shoulders. 

“Yeah… I’m good.” George cast a glance up the stairs towards their rooms. 

“You didn’t happen to bring your laptop?” A smile played at the corners of the older boy’s lips, excitement pooling into his words. 

“Hell yeah. I’m not going two weeks without having some sort of computer.” George pumped his fist in the air. Clay smiled instinctively at the brunette’s ecstasy. 

A mischievous glance was thrown at Clay from George. “Race you upstairs.” George took off in the direction of the stairs, the blonde throwing his chair out from under him and running after. 

Their hands hit the doorframe of George’s room at the same time, their pinkies overlapping slightly. All the sudden, Clay became hyper aware of their heavy breathing, smiling faces, and closeness. The nerves in his pinky finger seemed to take in every shift of George’s finger. A giggle left the brunette’s mouth, followed by a few short glances at Clay. 

“I win.” George said smugly. Clay looked at their hands. His pinky was on top of George’s, clearly signifying the older boy’s victory. Clay wanted to wrap their pinkies together, he wanted to hold George’s hand in his, he wanted to be able to walk around wherever he went with George’s hand in his. The blonde squeezed his eyes shut and opened them again, clearing his thoughts. _What the hell is wrong with me. This is your best friend you're thinking about._ George started walking towards his room, and waved his hand in a motion that signified for Clay to go get his laptop. The laptop had been shoved into his bag along with a charger, a mouse, and his pair of airpods. The case was decorated with random stickers of minecraft and TV shows or movies he’d watched. 

It took him barely five steps to pass the space in between his room and George’s. _Are the rooms really that close together? We weren’t that far apart last night…_ Clay mentally punched himself for thinking like that again. The door to George’s room creaked open, revealing the brunette sitting on his phone, waiting as Minecraft loaded in. A sense of domestication flooded through Clay’s body. The blonde stole a glance at George, who had already loaded onto the SMP. _Why do I keep thinking like this? I just need it to… go away._ Clay flopped down onto George’s bed, laying out his laptop and other items around himself. 

“Is it okay if I lay here?” George looked over his shoulder as Clay asked the question, offering a nod in affirmative. 

“Yeah that’s fine. Do you need anything to put your stuff on?” The blonde glanced around at his stuff before deciding that he probably needed something to put his mouse on. 

“Uh- do you have something I could put my mouse on?” George pointed to a small bed desk that lay next to his bed. 

“You can put your laptop and stuff on there if you want.” 

It didn’t take much setup before the two of them were running around in the SMP together. Sam had been on earlier, but left a little after the arrived. They had fallen into a steady rhythm of just talking and running around on the SMP. 

A notification popped up in the corner of their screens. 

_Sapnap joined the game_

Clay flicked his vision over to George. “Do we wanna invite him to a call?” George hummed a response that Clay took as a ‘yes.’ The blonde grabbed his phone from where it lay beside him and called Nick over FaceTime. Nick picked up almost immediately. 

“Dream!” 

“Sapnap!” A small giggle came from the other side of the phone. 

“Where’s George?” 

“I’m right here too!” George called out from over his shoulder. 

“So, how were your first two nights in England, Dream?” Clay grimaced slightly as he thought about the first night he was here. The blonde saw George tense slightly in the corner of his eye. _Fuck, Nick probably doesn’t know. Unless George told him._ Clay cleared his throat. 

“Yeah, it was fine. Oh uh, George?” George tilted his head to signify he was listening to the other boy. “I was meaning to ask you this, but did you maybe make me a bed last night?” 

A taunting ‘oooooo’ came from Nick’s side of the phone. 

The back of George’s neck gained a red dusting, his ears turning the same colour. “O-oh, um yeah. I tried to knock on your door to ask you something, but I didn’t get an answer and it wasn’t super late and you never go to bed early so I got worried and just came in. You looked kinda uncomfortable so I just set out a few pillows and a blanket so you wouldn’t be uncomfortable.” George seemed to shrink down in his chair as he rambled on. 

Nick was laughing maniacally, struggling to breathe. “George! I’m gonna die! You just went into his ro-“ Nick’s sentence was interrupted by more laughing. “His- his room while he was sleeping?! I mean, I guess you did it to make sure he was okay but I still can’t decide if that’s creepy or adorable!” Clay couldn’t lie when he thought he felt a light blush crawling to his face. _Does he really care about me…?_ A strange feeling welled up inside of Clay. 

“Sorry, Clay.” 

“Nah it’s okay. I appreciate you worrying about me.” Clay flashed the biggest smile he could muster at the brunette. The redness in George’s cheeks deepened as he looked at Clay’s smile. The boys all turned back to their screens, resuming their playful taunting and fighting. As they continued to play, Clay couldn’t shake the feeling that Nick seemed like he knew something the blonde didn’t. Short remarks here or there that would send George into a fit and confuse Clay. 

It was almost three hours later when Nick finally hung up, claiming he was hungry. Clay turned to face George on the bed, their eyes meeting. 

“So. What do you want for food?” Clay tried to keep the mood light, not letting the memories of the days before flood back in. 

“Well… we kinda bailed on Wilbur the other day so if you want we could ask him?” George picked his words carefully, being sure not to say something that might upset Clay. Clay smiled and nodded. 

“Yeah, that would be nice.” 

~~~~~~~~

Wilbur had picked the place. It was a small cafe that was located in between some antique shops. The three boys walked up towards the entrance of the cafe, conversation and laughter floating freely in the air around them. George’s hand brushed Clay’s as they walked, sending Clay’s mind into a whirl. His fingers reached out slightly every time George’s hand came close to him. _Is George doing this on purpose…?_

The sign on the door of the restaurant read ‘Open 6 am to 8 pm everyday- lunch starts at 12.’ Wilbur cast a glance at the two other boys. 

“Just on time.” The tall boy said, tapping his watch. Clay pulled his phone out of his pocket, reading the time. 

_12:05_

George turned to Clay, a smile on his face. “I like your lock screen.” The blonde glanced back down at his phone. Patches, his cat, stared up at him from his phone screen. A soft laugh left Clay’s mouth. 

“Yeah. Patches is pretty cute.” _Just like you._ Clay shut his mouth before the thought could leak out. _It’s okay to think your best friend is cute, right?_ His eyes flitted over to George, who was currently laughing at something Will had said. As Clay brought his gaze back over to the sidewalk in front of him, he noticed Will looking at him. A mischievous and knowing look swirled in the taller boy's eyes as he looked at the blonde. _He knows._ Will went back to joking around with George, trying to pull Clay into the conversation. _Does he?_

Soft music played in the cafe through the speakers in the ceiling. The three boys slid into a booth near the front windows, George and Clay sitting next to each other and Will having the other seat to himself. A few waitresses passed their table carrying plates filled with delicious looking food. A short girl eventually walked up to their table, holding a notepad and pencil in her hands. Clay looked her up and down. She looked like she was about Will’s age, had bright blonde hair, and a low ponytail. Her eyes flicked between the three boys. 

“Hello! I’m Grace! I’ll be your waitress today. What can I get for you guys to drink?” Clay looked away from the girl, back at the menu. _Not my type._ Clay paused for a second. _What even is my type?_ Grace’s eyes drifted towards George and a slight pink tint rose to her cheeks. Something churned in Clay’s stomach as he watched Grace look at George. 

George stayed oblivious, still looking at the drink options. “Could I just get water?” George turned his head to meet Grace’s gaze. A bright red blush bloomed on her face. 

“Uh- yeah! That’s fine. For you two?” 

“I’ll just have water as well.” Clay said, watching as George seemed to shrink away from the girl ever so slightly. 

“Same here.” 

Immediately after Grace walked back towards the kitchen, Will turned his attention on George. “Looks like you’ve got an admirer, dear Gogy.” Clay furrowed his brow at the term. _‘Admirer.’ I’ll fucking admire her when she goes away._ Deep laughter bubbled from Will as George tried to make himself even smaller. 

Clay leaned towards George’s ear, feeling the brunette’s soft hair tickle his nose. “You good?” The question was simple but it went so much deeper between the two of them. 

George nodded slightly, his ears turning red. “Yeah, for now. I’ll tell you if I need help.” Clay understood what ‘help’ meant. _Acting like we’re dating._ The thought struck Clay with excitement and made him feel sick at the same time. A group of waitresses in the back of the cafe near the kitchen caught his eye. They seemed to be hyping up one of the girls, who Clay recognized as Grace. Grace turned and started walking back towards the table, her cheeks a bright red. 

The drinks were placed on the table and the ice clattered around inside the cups. Grace took their orders, seeming nervous and gently biting her lip the whole time. As Will finished up ordering, Grace turned slowly to look back at George, her face gaining a bright red coloring. 

George placed his hand on Clay’s thigh. 

Grace laced her hands together, fidgeting slightly. “Uh- um, I was wondering-“

George’s grip tightened on Clay’s thigh. 

“-if I-“ 

Clay’s hand slid over to touch George’s. 

“-could get-“

Clay slid his hand to fit in between the gaps in George’s fingers. 

“-your number?” 

George inhaled sharply as Clay squeezed his hand gently. The blonde carried their intertwined hands above the table, showing the girl. “Actually,” Clay announced, “we’re dating.” Grace’s face went red with embarrassment and Clay caught Wilbur arch his eyebrow slightly. 

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry!” Grace exclaimed, waving her hands in a defensive motion. George forced a giggle, his ears turning red. George’s eyes flitted between looking down at the table and then back up to their hands. 

“No, it’s okay. I get it, George is pretty cute.” Clay turned to look at George as he talked, sending the smaller boy a wink. George seemed to melt at the simple gesture. 

“Why would you say that?” George said quietly, a bright red blush filling his cheeks. Clay placed his elbow on the table, resting his head in the hand that wasn’t holding George’s. 

“Oh c’mon. You know you are.” The waitress's expression changed to where she now looked like she was seeing the most adorable thing she’d ever seen. 

Clay pulled George’s hand over to his mouth, making eye contact with the brunette. Soft kisses landed on George’s knuckles. Clay could feel something swirling in his stomach, and he wasn’t sure if it was good or bad. 

“You guys are really cute together, oh my god. I wish I had a relationship like yours.” Grace smiled softly at them and Clay smiled back, glad to know his acting was going so well. 

A small thought prodded at the back of his mind. _Is this really acting you’re doing?_ Clay’s eyes found their way back to George’s face, where they studied the way he smiled and how he seemed to be melting straight into Clay. 

_Am I acting?_ The thought was like a splinter in his shoe, constantly there, but sometimes he couldn’t tell. Clay kept up the act of being George’s boyfriend for the next two hours as they stayed and talked in the cafe. George’s hand stayed intertwined in Clay’s, neither of them trying to let go. Will continued to cast short glances at Clay, clearing trying to say something, but what the message was, Clay had no idea. 

The car ride back to their houses was filled with laughter and short jabs at one another. A strange air rested between Clay and George. Will dropped them off at George’s house, leaving Clay with one last look and a couple of mouthed words. 

_What did he say?_ Clay had never been good at reading lips. He flipped the image of Will mouthing those words over and over again in his head. George threw himself onto his bed as soon as he entered his room. 

“Should I stream?” The question sat with Clay for a second. 

“If you want, I guess.” George sat up, moving over to his setup. His PC booted up, the RGB lights casting strange colors onto his face. The only light in the room came from the monitor in front of George, like a spotlight on the brunette. Clay could feel that thing swirling in his stomach again, but this time it was more fluttery. The green screen came up behind George, shielding Clay from the camera. In a few seconds, a notification popped up on his phone. 

_Georgenotfound is live: Popping off with Dream!_

The sound of George greeting his stream came from the other side of the green screen. Clay smiled slightly from the sound of George laughing at whatever his chat was doing. 

“Dream say hi!” George called to the other boy. 

“Hi chat! Tell George he’s stupid!” Clay yelled. George giggled at Clay’s stupid remark, shaking his head. The stream proceeded as normal, with comments and smart remarks coming from Clay every once in a while. 

The blonde had pulled up George’s stream on his phone, watching as George tried, and failed, to speedrun. “Hey Dream?” George asked. 

“Yeah, what’s up?” 

“Lots of people are saying they don’t think you’re actually here with me.” Clay glared at the chat on his phone. 

“So they want proof?” George hummed an affirmative response. The thought of people not trusting them didn’t sit well with Clay for reasons he truly didn’t know. _If they want proof, I’ll give them fucking proof._

Clay covered the space between him and George’s setup in mere steps. He slid in front of the green screen, careful to keep his face out of frame. George took a quick glance over his shoulder, shooting the blonde a confused expression. Clay placed his hand on George’s shoulder, gliding it softly upwards till it reached his neck. A shiver slid down George’s spine as a right blush bloomed on his cheeks. 

“C-Clay?”

The blonde ran his pointer finger along George’s jawline, feeling the bone underneath his skin. George shuddered slightly. Clay placed his finger under George’s chin, tilting his head upwards to look at the taller boy. George’s eyes floated upwards to meet Clay’s burning gaze. Something swam in the depths of George’s eyes as Clay looked at them. Something Clay could only describe as desire. 

At that moment, the memory of Will’s mouthed words materialized in Clay’s mind, and all the sudden, Clay could tell exactly what Will was trying to say. 

_“Do you like him?”_

As Clay stared into George’s eyes, a dangerous thought surfaced and a slow smirk grew on his mouth. 

_Maybe I do._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG I’m so sry for the long wait I’m kinda tryna figure out how to build up to some big events I have planned and it’s literally trying my brain. Also I’ve just kinda been on a drawing spree rn and it’s pretty great. Anyway, thank you guys for reading! Love you all! <3


	8. Something great like you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: swearing 
> 
> Songs: rät- Penelope Scott, drivers license- Olivia rodrigo, hold me after hours- BBLB

The RGB lights seem to fracture the reality of the situation Clay had just gotten himself into. George’s shallow breathing seemed to brush away the dust that had settled in Clay’s scattered mind. The blonde could feel his rib cage shudder as his heart pounded in his chest. Clay pulled his hood over his head, tugging the edge closest to the camera further to make sure it covered his face. He leaned down slowly, placing his head next to George’s, his breath tickling the brunette’s ear. Heat rose from George’s body, warming Clay’s face. 

Fingers traced slowly up George’s thigh, sending shivers through the smaller boy below Clay. 

“This proof enough?” Clay whispered, his voice low and feeling like lava in even his own ears. Hot air rattled in and out of George’s mouth, a flush coming to his face. The chat sped by on George’s second monitor, filled with messages in all caps, screaming in Clay’s ears. Bright ashes flew in green eyes, bringing light to emotions and other hidden things. 

George’s eyes looked anywhere but at Clay, clearly avoiding glancing at the taller boy. A sense of power flooded through Clay, filling him with a strong sense of want. _Could I have done this at any point in time? Why didn’t I do this?_ Clay’s lips grazed the shell of George’s ear, words dancing on the edge of his tongue. 

“How long has it been since you’ve fallen in love, George? A week, a month, a year…” Clay’s voice was low, loud enough for the stream to hear he was talking, but quiet enough for them not to be able to tell what he was saying. He liked it that way. “Have you ever even fallen in love?” 

George’s response was like the wind, quiet and barely there. “Clay, stop.” 

“That’s the thing, George. I don’t want to.” A sharp breath was sucked through George’s teeth as his hands clenched the seat of his chair, his muscles tensing. “You're too cute when you get flustered.” Clay paused, letting the words soak in. “George, I wanna do something stupid.” Every time Clay said George’s name, a new breath was taken in and slowly released. 

“Stop. Shut up.” George squeezed his eyes shut. 

“You always used to talk about how it would be different once we met. Is this what you really meant?”

“Clay…” George’s tone was warning, but wavered part way through. 

“Did you just want to be mine?” Clay heard the sound of George clicking something on his keyboard. George’s second monitor stopped showing the stream, the chat still rushing by. _He must’ve ended the stream._

“Do you still want to kiss me?” The words burned Clay’s mouth as they left. 

George’s response came slow, almost like he himself didn’t know if he wanted to say the answer. “...yeah…” The word was breathy, barely there. 

“George, I want to know how bad I make you want me.” 

The words hung in the air, like shards of a broken chandelier; glittering, beautiful, sharp, dangerous. 

“I-I want to be able to be thrown into lava and not feel a thing because you’ve already melted me.” George’s breath rustled Clay’s hair, sending heat washing through his body. “I want ice to be touched against my skin and not shiver because you’ve already frozen me.”

Clay could feel the words bubbling up in his throat before he even thought about them. Reality seemed to fragment and shift in George’s small bedroom in Brighton, England. 

“How bad would it be if I said I wanted you too? How stupid would that be?” 

“I…don’t know.” 

Soft breaths filled the tense silence between words. Clay straightened his back, making his way over to the bed behind the green screen. _I can’t just stand there next to him. I can’t handle getting rejected face to face._

Creaks in floorboards grounded Clay’s mind, keeping him at least slightly sane. 

Clay broke the silence with another question. “Do I hurt you, George?”

“No, never.”

“Even if I would hurt it intentionally?”

George’s tone shook, his voice becoming quiet. “I’d eat a poisoned apple if you told me to.” 

_Did you love me?_ The words wanted out of Clay’s mouth, they wanted to be able to fall upon the ears of the other boy in the room. Dust sparkled in the rays of sun from the crack in the blinds on the window. Clay lifted his hand, letting it stir the gentle flow of the small particles. Clays heard himself talking before he registered he was. 

“Did you love me?” The words got what they wanted, freezing the brunette where he sat, his chair squeaking as he stiffened. 

“I-I can’t do this right now.” Soft steps told Clay that George had left the room. The door hung part way open, sounds of feet on wooden flooring coming from the stairs. Clay’s hands ran through his hair, cold sweat beading on his skin. 

_Fuck._ Clay tried focusing on one spot in the room. but everything screamed back at him with one name. 

_George! George! George!..._

His eyes squeezed shut, his heart rattling in his chest. _I have to get out of this goddamn room._

Slow legs filled with Jello-O carried the blonde back to the guest bedroom and back to the small bed that lay on the floor. Clay leaned down, opening his laptop bag. A pair of airpods rested near the top of the pile of things in the bag. Clay’s hands fumbled with the case, shoving the airpods into his ears. His finger pressed play on the first song that popped up on his phone.

Some girl started singing about love with a guitar backing her up. The airpods fell on the floor with a dull thump as Clay tore them out of his ears. Clay tilted his head back, closing his eyes. His back hit the wall behind him and slid slowly downwards till he was sitting on the ground. An eye cracked open, peering at the phone that laid like dead wait in his hand. 

In a few taps, the notes app was opened and Clay was looking down at his phone. Line by line, he read through what he had written over the past few days, his face like stone. The words ended abruptly, leaving Clay to wonder what was going to happen next. Thumbs tapped lightly on the keyboard, two simple sentences appearing. 

_How many times have I broken your heart?_

_How many times have you fallen back in love with me?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sry for the short chapter! I cut it in half so that I could get the two parts out sooner. <3 thank u guys for reading!


	9. Ain’t nothing better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: swearing, making out

Silence weighed down on Clay. The room felt bland, impersonal. The blonde’s hand raked through the carpet, creating small designs wrapping around where he was sitting. His head hit the wall and tilted up towards the ceiling. A breath of air was released from his nose. The sound of a door opening and closing washed over Clay’s mind like the white foam of waves on a beach. Clay turned his head, a confused expression covering his features. 

_What? Did George just leave?_ A pang of hurt strummed in Clay’s heart. _Does he really hate me that much that he had to leave?_ Tears began filling his eyes as sharp jewels of water fell down his cheeks. He let his head hang down, his chin resting on his chest. Shaky breaths drew in and out of Clay’s mouth. 

A few minutes passed, time seemingly slipping through his fingers. _An hour. He should be back in an hour._

The first twenty minutes were easy. Clay tried to keep his mind busy, making some food for himself, cleaning the dishes, and scrolling through Twitter. Clay found his hands empty after getting bored of Twitter, nothing that he really wanted to do left. George’s cat and dog were sleeping somewhere in the house, leaving Clay alone. As he swiped through his apps, his finger pressed down on a random app. Snapchat opened up on his screen, revealing all of the snaps he hadn’t responded to over the past few days. Green eyes flew over the list of names till they fell on a specific one. A flush of heat came to his cheeks, looking at the words under the name. 

_Oh god, he took a screenshot. What did I even send him last?_ Clay felt his heart beating quickly in his chest. He reached his mind, thinking of what he could have possibly sent to cause George to take a screenshot. His feet paced slowly across the floor and back. A hand ran through his hair as he made his way up the stairs. A full length mirror rested on the door to the closet in the guest bedroom. Clay looked over himself. His hair was scruffy and didn’t lay smoothly on his head like it normally did. Some strands draped in front of his eyes, making it look like his hair was purposefully messy. Damn, I almost look hot. Clay grabbed the bottom of his sweatshirt, pulling it upwards to take it off. The material of the sweatshirt latched onto the shirt underneath, bringing it up too. Clay’s eyes landed on his abs and blew wide. _Oh my god. That picture._ Memories of accidentally sending George a picture of his abs washed through his mind. Heat rushed to his face as realization rolled into his mind like waves on a beach. _Holy fuck. George took a screenshot of my abs._ A stupid grin spread across his face as his green eyes shone from behind his hair. Clay wasn’t about to deny that he still had a pretty athletic and strong look to him even though he played Minecraft all day. 

The giddiness from thinking about George having saved that picture faded. His gaze shifted to the clock on the wall, letting his shirt and sweatshirt fall back over his stomach. _Thirty more minutes._ His phone felt like it was stinging his hand, telling him to just text George. The seconds drained by at a speed that could only rival a snail. 

Sun shone through the blinds, illuminating small sections on the ground. A golden light cast itself on Clay’s eyes and hair, making it look like his eyes were a brighter color than they should be. Clay closed his eyes and lay down on the carpeted floor, letting hot memories of calls late at night and comfortable silences distract him from the slow ticking clock. Feelings of soft hair and hot tubs and dark pools sent shivers rolling through his body. Thoughts of pictures and smiles and careless giggles plagued his mind. 

_Fifteen minutes._

Hot summers laying on beaches in Florida, wishing for someone to be with him. 

_Five minutes._

Winters spent curled up on the couch, no one else around to keep him company. 

_One._

Words spoken just for him. _“...You’ve already melted me…”_

Clay lifted his phone up to his face, worry coursing through his bones. A message was typed out and sent in seconds. 

_George?_  
Where are you?  
Are you okay? 

The phone responded with silence. Clay’s eyes closed, a hand running through his unkempt hair. 

A buzz. A small ping. 

The phone was back up in front of Clay in a split second. Shaky hands held the screen up. A location popped up under the blonde’s messages. No words, only a simple map with a marker showing the location of the sender. Clay hopped up from the ground, adrenaline washing through him. The sunlight danced on his body, making him look golden. He was down the stairs and in the car without wasting a minute. The pin on the map pointed to a small part of a beach. Clay pulled up a route leading to the location George had sent.

The car ride felt like years. The sky began to darken, purples and blues staining the horizon. Small stars glittered out the windows of the car. Stores passed by, filled with people and random trinkets. Street lamps turned on, the sun draping below the houses in the distance. Card flashed by Clay on the other side of the road. Clay’s eyes flicked between the map on his phone and the street in front of him. The car took a turn down a road, leaving the city behind and putting trees and open land out in front of the blonde. A beach ran along his right, waves crashing and foaming as they reached the soft sand. The location George sent gained ever closer as Clay turned down dusty dirt and gravel roads, leading to a small cove along the bay. Clay parked the car along the side of the road, getting out and walking through tall grass and flowers down a slope to the sandy shore. A dark shape laid amongst the pale yellow of the beach. 

Reflections of the stars and moon danced on the water, casting a soft white light on the figure in the sand. Brown hair created a halo around the boy’s head. His hands rested in the sand by his side and a phone lay next to his left hand. 

Clay’s shoes hit the sand, a breath being sucked in past his teeth. “George?” 

“Hey.” Waves filled the silence in between words. Clay walked up next to George before sitting down, the sand sinking under him like a cushion. His back hit the sand with a soft thump, his hair falling away from his eyes. A deep sigh came out of George’s mouth as the two boys laid in a deafeningly loud silence. Clay’s eyes looked between George, the ocean, and the sky. 

“How- how did you get here?” Clay felt himself stumbling over his words, trying to be careful of what words to choose. 

“Taxi.” The answer was short but didn’t leave any room for questions. Clay swallowed thickly, pursing his lips after. 

Clay opened his mouth, trying to think of something to say. “I’m sorry.” 

No answer came from the other boy. The blonde felt like he would go deaf if George simply whispered. Even the waves seemed to silence as the world waited for some response. Clay felt his heart breaking slowly with each second that George stayed silence, shattering him without even making a sound. 

Soft whispers came from George. “It’s okay. I just… needed a second.” A subtle feeling of calmness swallowed Clay. The small cove seemed frozen in time as the two boys laid in each other’s silent company. 

“Did you think about my question?” Whispers of love caressed Clay’s thoughts. 

George closed his eyes, slow breaths filling and leaving his lungs. “Yeah, I did.” The answer was quiet and breathy. Clay wasn’t sure if George wasn’t telling him the answer to his question for a reason or if he just didn’t know yet. _I don’t even know how I would respond if George asked me if I loved him._

“Did you find an answer?” 

Brown eyes opened up again, glancing sideways at Clay. “Yeah, I did.” This answer was more firm, and almost caring in Clay’s ears. A small smile tugged at the corners of George’s mouth. Soft light illuminated George’s face, making him look like he was glowing. 

Silence filled Clay’s head, creating a fuzzy screen of memories in his head. 

The quiet was broken by a simple question. “What did you do with that picture I accidentally sent you?” 

A pale red painted itself over George’s cheeks and ears as he grabbed his phone and tossed it over to Clay. The blonde grabbed the phone, pulling up the default lock screen which prompted him to put in a password. 

“Zero eight one two.” 

The words were spoken with a slight waver in tone. 

_My birthday…_ A soft feeling of warmth nudged it’s way into Clay’s chest. The four numbers were tapped out on the screen, the phone unlocking with a subtle sound. Clay’s eyes blew wide. His gaze shifted between George and the unlocked phone. _Holy fuck it’s his wallpaper._ George’s face gained more of a red color. 

Clay tried to get words out of his mouth, but instead they built up into a confusing jumble in his mind. “You- you-” 

George cut him off, knowing the question before it was even spoken. “Yeah, I did. I didn’t know what else to do with the picture and so I…” The sentence trailed off into nothing, the ending already known to both boys. _So you put it as your wallpaper…_ Clay could feel his heart racing in his chest. A smile played with the corners of his mouth. 

A silence filled with something more than friendship laid like a blanket over the boys. 

“Does it hurt when I’m this close?” 

George tilted his head to look at Clay. The soft smiles had dropped off of both of their lips. A breath was sucked in past George’s teeth. 

“Yeah, it does.” Clay could practically hear his heart beginning to break open. Water began to gather on his eyes, starting to tear up. The blonde opened his mouth, prepared to say something even if it was just ‘oh.’ George cut Clay off before he could get the words out of his mouth. 

“It hurts cause I want you closer.” 

The words stopped on Clay’s tongue, disappearing into the salty air. Clay turned the words George had said over and over in his mind, picking them apart as mist from the ocean sprayed on his face. A smile broke out in his face, Clay biting his bottom lip slightly. He ran his hand through his shaggy blonde hair, hair falling back over his eyes. Toes dug into the sand, a giddiness flooding his body. A small giggle fell out of George’s mouth. 

“You look like an idiot.” George teased. A soft look falling onto his face. Clay rolled onto his side to face George, whose face had turned a bright red color. 

“It’s not like you're much better, Rudolph the red faced loser.” 

“Hey!” A wheeze escaped from Clay as George put on a pouty face that didn’t last very long before he started laughing too. 

For a while they laid on the sandy beach, not able to talk through their laughing. Gasps of air filled the silence between giggles. As the laughter died down, the only noise left was the sound of the waves crashing upon the shore. 

Clay reached his hand over to George’s in the sand, gently lacing their pinkies together.

“I’m a fucking mess.” Clay breathed out. The sentence seemed to be able to sum up Clay’s past few days in an almost perfect manner. George’s eyes flicked over his face, studying his expression. Green eyes closed and Clay ran his hand through his hair again, fluffing it slightly. A hand gently laid itself on Clay’s cheek, his eyes startling open. 

George had sat up next to him, a soft look in his eyes. Clay lifted himself up off the ground into a sitting position next to George. The brunette’s hand slid slowly down Clay’s side till it rested on his bicep, George’s eyes following wherever the hand went. 

“You look like you could crush me.” The sentence was breathy and soft. Clay flicked his gaze to George’s hand which was linked to his by a pinky, realizing how big his hand was compared to George’s. 

“Only if you wanted me to.” Clay leaned his face towards George slowly, moving barely a few inches. George’s breath caught in his throat. The blonde seemed hyper aware of wherever George was touching him, his nerves sending fiery signals to his brain. 

George leaned in slightly closer. 

“How stupid would it be if I kissed you right now?” Clay whispered, his own green eyes looking for something in George’s brown ones. Their noses brushed together with another small movement from Clay. Hands traveled up George’s sides, sending shivers through him. 

A response came that was almost too quiet for even Clay to hear. “I don’t think it would be stupid at all…” The sentence was barely finished before Clay pushed his lips onto George’s, practically taking the words out of his mouth. Clay could feel his heart pounding in his chest, heat radiating off of him. George pressed back into Clay. The brunette’s hands rested on Clay’s head, running through his hair. Fire coursed through Clay as he leaned deeper into the kiss, shifting them into a rhythm. His hands ran up and down George’s back in slow patterns. Clay tilted forwards, causing George to start falling gently onto the beach. Sand got under Clay’s fingernails as his hands planted themselves besides George’s head. Clay leaned back, releasing George’s lips and letting the brunette lay down on the ground. 

Their eyes stared into one another’s, both of them breathing heavily. A laugh played on Clay’s tongue. 

“How many times have we already been here?” He said quietly, the crash of waves filling in the spaces between words. 

George exhaled, blinking a few times. “I don’t care, I just don’t want it to be the last time we’re like this.” A small smile split Clay’s face. The blonde leaned down slowly, placing his lips on George’s again before pulling away. 

“I-“ 

Clay placed a kiss on George’s lips. 

“-fucking-“ 

Another kiss.

“-love-“

His lips found their way to George’s again. 

“-you.” 

Clay leaned down for another kiss, leaning deeper into this one, trying to convey what he felt without using words. George’s fingers raked through his hair. Soft, warm feelings flooded Clay’s heart, causing him to push even harder into the kiss. Clay began pulling back as George continued to try and chase his lips. Clay’s hair hung down like a frame around his face, his eyes practically glowing with an unnatural fire. George seemed to barely be able to hold Clay’s gaze, his face heating up with blush. 

“I-I love you too.” George professed in a quiet voice. The brunette turned his head away, not having the courage to look at Clay. Soft kisses were dotted on George’s cheeks and the side of his face as Clay leaned back down towards the other boy. Clay trailed his mouth down George’s neck to his collarbone, before choosing a spot along the base of the brunette’s neck and biting down gently. A small yelp escaped George’s mouth and Clay lifted his head up, a slightly worried look in his eyes. 

“Is this fine?” Clay’s voice sounded low and sent shivers through George. 

“Yeah, yeah. It’s okay. I’m fine.” George let his gaze fall on Clay’s lips for a second before turning and leaving his neck open to Clay again. The blonde moved back to George’s neck, leaving marks down his shoulders and around his collarbone. Slight glances from George didn’t escape Clay as he continued working on George’s neck. 

Clay pulled back from George, looking him in his eyes. George’s eyes flicked between Clay’s lips and his gaze. A smirk played on Clay’s lips. “You’re such a fucking tease.” Clay pushed back into George’s lips, using one of his hands to tilt the brunette’s head into a good position. The kiss was sloppy, Clay shoving his tongue into George’s mouth almost immediately. Clay could feel George melting into his touch, pushing back into anything that he did. 

“Ah, Clay!” George yelled into the kiss as Clay pushed his body down onto George. Clay broke into laughter before kissing George again, silencing him. Their kisses fell into a steady rhythm, heat flooding through Clay the entire time. One of the blonde’s hands reached under George’s shirt crawling up his stomach. 

Clay could feel George pushing into wherever he touched. Soft kisses planted themselves all over George’s face and neck. Clay flicked his eyes open for a second, stealing a glance at George’s closed eyes and vulnerable look. More marks were left on George’s neck as Clay travelled around the brunette’s neck. 

A voice spoke up from behind Clay and George. “Do you know how _fucking_ long I’ve been trying to find you guys? Do neither of you check your phones?” Clay rolled off the top of George, landing in the sand beside the brunette. George’s phone lay discarded a few feet away from the two boys. Will looked down at them, a worried and sort of angry look on his face. He reached up and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Why the fuck am I even asking if you guys checked your phones? You were clearly too busy making-fucking-out to care about anyone else.” 

“Woah Wilbur, what’s going on? Why do you look so worried?” Clay lifted his hands in the air in a surrendering gesture as he spoke. 

A breath flew out of Will’s mouth as he started pacing in the sand. “Sapnap got hit by a car.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahdgsiksgfsudg pls stick with me on this i still have so much plot left for their relationship and so much angst left. <3


	10. Tearing you apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: cussing, making out (idk if that’s a TW but ok)

The car ride back to George’s house felt like hours. Notifications of calls and texts had covered both Clay’s and George’s lock screens. Will had filled them in with the little information he had. 

_A kid, no older than 15, had taken his parent’s car and Nick happened to be driving down the street the kid decided to turn onto. Luckily the kid had been able to slow down some before hitting Nick but still, it’s a car crash._

Will had no idea how bad the crash had been, only that Nick was alive and stable. Silence had filled the space between the boys as they tried to get in touch with anyone who might have more information. Their phones sat dead next to them on the seats. Clay thought George practically had a heart attack when a telemarketer called him. 

It wasn’t until the boys got back to George’s house when Clay finally got a call. The answer button was clicked in milliseconds and the call was put on speaker. 

“Nick?! Are you okay? What the hell happened?” Clay yelled through the phone. 

“I’m fine.” Nick's voice came through the phone sounding tired and faint. “A stupid kid stole his parents’ car and crashed onto me. I just have a few scratches on me and a sprained ankle. Luckily I have a pretty big car.” Nick forced out a small laugh. 

The three boys crowded around the phone, wincing as Nick began to cough after the laugh. “I’m already back at my house. I had to get an ankle brace and a few bandages for my cuts but other than that I’m good.” 

The conversation carried on, topics of legal issues and medical expenses filled their minds. 

The first to leave was Will, who needed to go back to his house. The second was George, simply because he wanted to head to bed. Clay headed to his room, the conversation still flowing smoothly between him and Nick. Time seemed to fly by as they talked about whatever came to each of their minds. It wasn’t until late into the night when Clay finally began to drift to sleep. 

“I’m going to head to bed.” A yawn escaped Clay’s mouth as he barely managed to finish his sentence. “If you need anything I’ll find some way to help you.” 

“Would you fly out here for me?” 

The question cut like ice through Clay’s mind. The words seemed harsh and cold. “What?” 

Nick repeated the question. “Would you come to Texas if I needed you?” 

“Uh- I mean I don’t know. I think it would matter why you would need me.” Clay picked his words carefully, trying to keep Nick calm. 

“So you go to see George just for fun and you won’t even come to see me when I’m hurt?” The question was spoken right after Clay finished his sentence and was just as cold as the first question. 

Clay stuttered, trying to find something to say. “N-no! It’s just that my plane ticket back to the states doesn’t leave for at least another week. I swear I’d go if I could.” 

“You know what, Dream? Stay out your whole trip. I know you’d rather be there than with me.” Nick’s words were like a knife being stabbed into Clay’s chest. Clay felt something cold and bitter rising in the back of his throat. The start of a word made it out of Clay’s mouth before Nick interrupted him. “I’ve seen the way you look at him, I’ve heard you talk about him. Anytime he’s around it’s like you just fucking forget about anyone else. I’ve seen it all in those stupid meaningless late nights calls where we all stay up with our cameras on.” Nick’s voice became low and shaky. Clay could practically hear the tears leaking through the phone line. “I know you love him. It’s not a fucking secret. Everytime you even speak about him it’s like nothing else matters, and I’m pretty sure even I don’t matter to you. You’d throw away everything to be with him, and you can’t even come see me when I need it.” A sniffle came through the speaker. “It’s okay, though. I understand. Everyone chooses favorites. It’s just that no one chooses me.” Clay chewed lightly on his bottom lip, jewels of salt and bitterness gliding down his face. 

“Nick, I-“ 

“Dream, shut up.” Clay did as he was told. “You know it and so do I, so there’s no use in faking it. You're happier with him anyway.” A pause stuck itself in the middle of Nick’s sentences, like he was thinking about saying something else. “Bye Dream. I’ll talk to you… sometime.” The line dropped dead in Clay’s hand as Nick hung up. 

That bitter thing that had been resting in the back of Clay’s mouth rose up and Clay rushed to the bathroom that was connected to his room. He barely got to the toilet before he vomited, feelings of guilt and sadness coming up with it. His stomach felt like someone had punched him. His heart felt like something had torn him in half. Without knowing it, Nick had given Clay an ultimatum, and Clay could already feel it ripping him apart. Unspoken words haunted Clay’s mind. _Him or me. Him or me. Him or me…_ It was all laid out so perfectly clear now that Nick had put it into perspective. George had always held his attention, his feelings, his life. And Nick knew. Nick knew all along how this was going to turn out. _Friend or lover? You can’t choose one without hurting the other._ Clay let his head hang over the toilet, his hair draping around his face, hiding his expression. His knees hurt from kneeling on those cold tiles that floored George’s guest bathroom. The toilet flushed as Clay leaned back and pulled the handle, grabbing a towel and wiping his mouth off. Soft wet stains appeared on the towel, darkening the pure whiteness of it. Clay threw the dirty towel towards the door and grabbed a different one. The towel felt soft on his face, but as soon as Clay lifted the towel from his eyes, bitter and sad tears tore their way down his face, leaving trails of fire and ice in their wake. 

Clay let his eyes close as the tears stained his sweatshirt. Picking something had never seemed so hard and guilt-inducing. The blonde watched colors flash through the black nothingness that lay behind his eyelids. Shapes showed up in the dark void. Clay felt the images more than he saw them. A hand ran its way through his hair before it sat on his head, hiding his eyes. Out of the almost eight billion people on earth, Clay had to pick between the two he cared the most about. Some thought in his head cause Clay to walk over towards his phone which lay discarded on his bed. Clay’s finger tapped his screen without him even thinking about where to go. 

A ringing sound. 

Someone answering. 

No voice came through the other side of the discord call. 

“Hey Callahan.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was close to 4 AM when Clay finally hung up. Something in Clay felt more relaxed and calm. His eyes were still wet from tears, but they didn’t hurt as much. The guilt still but at his insides, but it was like he had more armour on. Clay had needed someone to listen, and that’s what Callahan did. A few messages rested in the private chat they had. Short responses to things Clay had said, giving him answers to questions Clay didn’t even know how to say. Clay had spent the entire time on the phone talking, and Callahan listened to what had happened. Clay told him everything. The kisses, the thoughts, the conversations. It hurt for Clay to open up. He felt like Callahan had watched as he cut himself open, leaving him bare on the ground, nothing left to call his. But it also felt good. Someone else to share the burden. Another set of shoulders to hold the weight of all the trouble that Clay had caused. 

The light from Clay’s phone blinded him as it lay in his hand. White words glared up at him from a black background. Days of text and writing stared Clay back in the face. Clay let his eyes run over the words, rereading the lines, scanning for some sort of answer. A sigh escaped his mouth as Clay closed his eyes and ran a shaky hand through his hair. His finger hovered over a glaring red button on his screen. 

_I can delete it. I can throw it away. Right now. I can find some way to tell George that we can’t be together._

The delete button seemed to be mocking Clay as his thumb drifted away from the screen. Clay’s face shifted to an almost pained expression as he bit his bottom lip. 

_One button._

_One click._

_I can do it._

_I’ll find some way to do it._

The delete menu faded off the screen as Clay pressed the cancel button. 

_I can’t._

Clay tossed the phone to the side, letting it fall beside him on the bed. The bed let out a soft noise as Clay fell backwards onto the blankets. The white ceiling seemed to dim as his phone auto locked, leaving Clay in complete darkness. Clay let his eyes flutter closed as sleep grasped at the edges of his mind. Something still stirred deep in Clay’s stomach, but the feeling faded as sleep took Clay. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Morning came with a soft touch landing on Clay, shaking him gently out of sleep. Clay opened his eyes slowly, letting himself adjust to the brightness of the morning. Brown eyes stared into his, and a smile lifted itself onto Clay’s face. Clay reached his hands up to thread through George’s hair and pulled the brunette’s head downwards till their foreheads touched. George’s breath blew lightly over Clay’s face. Legs straddled Clay’s body as George’s eyes moved slowly down to his lips. The blonde pushed his lips against George’s, the brunette’s hands landing on the sides of Clay’s cheeks. Soft kisses muddled Clay’s mind, letting him shift into a sense of calm. After a minute or two of small kisses Clay pushed George back for a second, glancing at the clock on the dresser. 

“Why are we doing this at 11 AM?” Clay pushed himself into his elbows, lifting an eyebrow at George. The blush that lay on the brunette’s cheeks seemed to deepen. George leaned backwards away from Clay’s face, moving to sit on the side of Clay’s bed. 

“Uh, I-I wanted to, I guess?” George replied sheepishly, eliciting a snort from Clay. 

Clay ran his hand through his blonde hair, moving it out of his eyes. He shifted into a sitting position next to George. “You're such an idiot.” Clay whispered before placing his lips on George’s. George melted into Clay as soon as Clay placed his hands on George’s sides. Heat coursed through the blonde’s veins, his heart pounding in his chest. Their noses brushed together as small kisses passed between the boys. 

With a slight movement from Clay, George was pulled into the blonde’s lap where George promptly wrapped his legs around Clay’s waist. George ran his hands through Clay’s hair, their kisses becoming more heated and needy. Clay felt George arch his back and lean into him. Hands that had previously been running through Clay’s hair landed on his shoulders, pushing him back a little ways from George. Clay opened his eyes slowly, only to see George shift his position and lay his forehead on Clay’s shoulder. 

The boys stayed like that for a few seconds, simply living in each other’s warmth. 

“What are we, Clay?” George whispered, sounding out of breath. The question caught Clay off guard, and he stiffened slightly before relaxing back into George. 

Clay brought his mouth down till it was next to George’s ear. “What do you want us to be?” Clay felt George shiver slightly as the blonde’s breath grazed over George’s ear. George pressed himself deeper into Clay’s chest and Clay watched as the tips of George’s ears and the back of the brunette’s neck turned bright red. 

“Do you maybe… want to be my boyfriend?” George’s voice shook as he talked. Nervousness flooded through his words. 

Clay's reply came as soon as George finished talking. “I think you know that answer…” His words trailed off as he pulled George’s face up to his own and kissed his new boyfriend. George held onto Clay like he would disappear if the brunette let go. Long kisses were interrupted by shorter ones, filled with emotion and unspoken words. George’s hands sneaked under Clay’s shirt, tracing along his tanned back. In return, Clay moved his own hands to the waistband of George’s pants, gently playing with it and pulling on it slightly. 

_Oh god. How far does George wanna go?_ Clay slipped his fingers under George’s waistband, feeling the soft skin under George’s pants. Fear of being too pushy stopped Clay’s hands at George’s hips, instead just tracing small patterns on George’s skin. 

Flashes of memories from that night at the Nickelodeon resort nudged their way into Clay’s mind. 

Clay slipped his tongue into George’s mouth. 

Hot breath mixed together in the dark room. 

George pulled Clay’s shirt up and over his head, throwing it over the side of the bed. 

Clay’s hands pushed deeper into George’s pants, playing with the edges of dangerous territory. 

A shift of positions ended with George completely pressed flush against Clay. 

Clay let his eyes open a little, looking at George’s face which had turned red with blush. Clay pulled his lips off of George’s, leaning his forehead against the other boy’s. 

“Holy fuck you look good.” Clay whispered into the hot air, his voice breathy and low. George’s eyes stayed glued to Clay’s lips, an almost needy look taking over the shorter boy's eyes. A small laugh left Clay’s mouth. “You’re such an idiot…” Clay breathed out. The words were spoken like they had been countless times before, filled with something a little stronger than just friendship. The two boys met in the middle of the small space between them, fire shooting through Clay as their lips met again. 

It wasn’t long before Clay flipped George’s shirt over the brunette’s head and threw it on the floor. Clay’s hands pushed George to lay flat on the bed before Clay crawled over him, pinning George’s wrists down with his hands. Clay let his eyes wander over to their hands, his being noticeably bigger than George’s. 

“Your hand is so small.” Clay whispered, leaning down to put his mouth next to George’s ear. George turned away, almost like he was trying to hide the blush deepening on his face. “Easier to pin down…” George’s eyes went wide as he shifted to look at Clay, his mouth opening as though he wanted to say something. Clay stopped George’s words by kissing him again, having full rein over George’s mouth. Hands roamed over bodies as kisses continued to be shared between the two boys. 

A phone rang. 

George pulled away from one of Clay’s kisses, giving the blonde a disappointed look. “That’s the ringtone I have for my mom.” George said, averting his eyes from Clay. 

Clay waved his hand, getting off the top of George. “It’s fine. It’s not like we won’t ever do this again.” As Clay spoke the last sentence, George went an even brighter red realizing what the meaning of those words were. 

“Y-yeah.” George turned away, getting off the bed and picking up his clothes from the floor. Clay noticed that at some point in time he had somehow managed to get George’s pants off, so the only thing George was currently wearing were his boxers. George rushed out of the room, the bundle of clothes hugged tightly in his arms. A soft sound came from the bed as Clay fell backwards onto it, rubbing his eyes. 

_Oh my god. Am I gonna get to do this everyday?_ A giddy giggle left Clay’s mouth as he thought about. _I wouldn’t mind doing this everyday._ Clay felt like going and dancing on the rooftops, screaming about his new boyfriend. Clay’s eyes widened as he turned the word over in his head. _Holy fuck. ‘Boyfriend.’ He’s my boyfriend._ Clay wrapped his arms around himself in a self-hug, rolling excitedly from side to side, adrenaline flooding through his body at the thought of George now being his boyfriend. _I hope I can do this everyday._ Muffled sounds of George talking on the phone came through the walls. Clay caught a few words that George said. Something about ‘just spending time with Clay this morning’ and ‘nothing exciting happening.’ Clay snorted at the words. _Nothing exciting my ass._

The phone call lasted for a while, George talking to his mom and Clay listening to his boyfriend’s voice. A smile played on the edges of Clay’s lips everytime he thought of the word ‘boyfriend.’ George walked back into Clay’s room, where the blonde was laying in the bed, staring at the ceiling. 

George laughed lightly, raising his eyebrows. “What’re you doing?” Clay turned his head to look at his boyfriend before turning back to the ceiling. 

“Laying down.” 

“You look like your getting ready to be put in a casket.” 

“Maybe I am.” 

Another laugh came out of George, this one more free and louder. George moved to the side of the bed, sitting down next to Clay. Clay snaked his hand over to George’s, linking their fingers together. 

“So nothing exciting has been happening?” Clay said, holding in a wheeze. 

George reached his hand that wasn’t currently holding Clay’s hand over and fake hit the blonde’s arm. “Shut up.” Silence fell over the boys once again before Clay broke it. 

“What’re we gonna tell people?” 

George’s eyes flicked around the room, like he was trying to find the answers hidden in the walls. “I-I think we should at least tell our friends and families if you’re comfortable with that. Probably not our fans though.” Clay nodded, his mind thinking of all the bad things that could happen. A thought snuck itself into Clay’s mind, making him feel sick. _What am I gonna tell Nick?_

“I think I’ll probably tell my family and some our friends tomorrow.” George said matter-of-factly. The brunette looked towards Clay, shaking his hand lightly. “Hey, do you wanna watch a movie?” Clay nodded, letting George’s softness lull him back into a feeling of comfort. 

The two boys moved to the living room and settled in on the couch there. At first the air between them felt almost stiff, like they were unsure what to do, now that they were officially dating. Clay sighed, rolling his eyes. “C’mere, idiot.” Strong arms wrapped around George, pulling the shorter boy into Clay’s side. George relaxed into Clay, the atmosphere lifting and become warm. Clay’s phone sat discarded on the arm of the couch, a sickening aura surrounding it. Clay hadn’t opened up his phone since the night before, when he had almost deleted his stupid notes. _I’ll get rid of it as soon as George is in another room or something._ Clay let the thought ease his mind, the issue eventually leaving his mind all together. 

A few movies passed by in the TV, George progressively pushing himself closer to Clay as the time went on. _The fucker doesn’t think I’ve noticed him moving closer. Idiot._ Clay internally rolled his eyes, letting it happen. A weight landed on Clay’s shoulder as George got confident enough to lay his head on the blonde.

Without the boys even noticing, the time seemed to have passed like sand through an hourglass. The clock on the wall was approaching four o’clock and the two boys hadn’t eaten since early that morning. 

“Food?” Clay asked, grabbing the remote to pause whatever movie they were watching now. 

“Sure. What do you want?” 

“You pick.” Clay got up from the couch, walking into the kitchen. 

George patted his pockets searching for his phone. “Shit. My phones in my room.” 

“Just use mine.” A phone came flying onto the cushion next to George. “The password is four-zero-two-zero.” Clay walked behind a wall in the kitchen, blocking his view of George. A few minutes passed, Clay looking through the kitchen for food and George still in the living room. 

George’s voice broke through the silence that had settled into the room. “Clay, what is this?” George’s voice sounded small, like he was having trouble talking. Something dropped in Clay’s heart and a dark feeling of dread filled his stomach. Slow steps brought the blonde into the living room, his eyes landing in George. White words stared up from a black background and Clay recognized the screen as soon as he saw it. _Oh god. Fuck. No._

That stupid note. The one he had chosen not to delete. Clay’s eyes flicked up to his boyfriend’s face, only to find tears leaving small trails on pale cheeks. 

“George…” 

“What the fuck is this Clay?” George said, turning to look at Clay. The words were said with more heat than before, the sound burning Clay’s ears. “Don’t you fucking dare try to say my name like that’s going to save you.” Clay could feel his own eyes watering. _I’m a fucking dumbass. I’ve ruined it all. I’ve lost everything now._

“It-it’s something I wrote. I didn’t- no, I don’t mean it. I was just- frustrated and stupid and-and…” Clay stuttered trying to find words that wouldn’t come to his mouth. More tears spilled from George’s eyes, silently gliding down his face. 

“I don’t know what to believe. You said you loved me, but this fucking _thing_ ,” George stood up and tossed the phone onto the couch accusingly, “says that you hate me.” 

Clay felt like someone was ripping his heart out. “George, please. I swear to God, I don’t mean any of-“ 

George cut Clay off. “Well that’s not what you wrote.” 

A tear slipped down the brunette’s cheek, followed by another, and another. George looked up at Clay, teary eyes meeting another set of teary eyes. “How many times do you have to break my heart, Clay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hsgaisfaudg how does this have 5k reads. Wth. We r nearing the end tho, there’s only gonna be like 12 or 13 chapters in all. Thank u for reading :) <3


	11. Embers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: cussing

Something broke inside Clay. Clay wasn’t sure if it was just his heart or himself as a whole breaking. The two boys stared at each other, tears creating streams on faces. George’s eyes had hurt and distrust swimming in them, and Clay could barely stand to see him like that. A lump formed in Clay’s throat, stopping him from getting words out of his mouth. _I-I’ve broken his heart?_ Clay could remember writing something about breaking George’s heart, but he couldn’t imagine that he had actually broken it. 

George broke the tense air between them. “I really am stupid,” George exhaled slowly, “for thinking you could love me.” 

Clay wanted to go over to George, to tell him it wasn’t true, he loved him, but Clay was frozen, George’s words haunting his mind. 

“I read it. I know I shouldn’t have. But I did. You said you hated me. You wanted to fuck up our friendship, ruin us. You said you didn’t love me. It was all just some trick your mind was playing.” George looked in Clay’s eyes, searching for something in them. “Is my heart just a game to you?” 

“I was stupid, okay? I-I didn’t realize my fucking feelings and I thought I was just frustrated and so I started writing cause fucking hell I wasn’t gonna tell anyone.” Clay paused, trying to wedge some sort of understanding into George’s mind. “Whatever’s in there isn’t true. I should’ve gotten rid of it long ago. Nothing in there matters.” Something changed in George’s eyes, and Clay felt like he was willing to rip himself open for George to know the truth. 

George shook his head back and forth, more tears spilling from his eyes like pale blue jewels. “How can I trust you?! You-you ran away the first time I tried to kiss you! Yea, I shouldn’t have done that but what the hell type of reaction was that? I fucking cried, Clay!” 

Heavy breaths followed the yelling. Clay wasn’t sure if George was crying from anger, sadness, or both at this point. The blonde’s tears had already all gone, leaving his stare blank and dry.

Time seemed to shift and freeze in that small living room where already so much shit had happened. Clay felt like he was standing in a hospital at midnight, nothing but silence, dark hallways, and beeping machines poking through the long passages. An occasional shiver ran through him, as though someone far away were trying to tell him something mentally. Clay was struck by a moment of sonder as he stared at George, and for once, Clay thought he truly saw his best friend. Realization after realization seemed to form in Clay’s mind as George and him continued to look into each other’s eyes. 

_George isn’t just my friend. He’s George. He has a life. He doesn’t just exist when I’m around._ Something sad occurred to Clay. _I could just be some small spot on the painting that’s George’s life. George could throw me away and I could be chapters in his book of life or a few sentences._ Clay softened his face, his expression turning into a mix of bittersweet and determination. _I don’t want to just be a few sentences in his book._

Clay met George’s eyes, hurt and pain swirled in dark eyes as gazes crossed. The room became smaller as Clay dropped his gaze from George’s eyes. 

Words left the blonde’s mouth, sounding quiet and low. “I’m sorry. I’m a dick. You have every right to yell at me,” Clay paused, swallowing slowly, “and you can hate me too. I hurt you, and I-I can’t take that back.” Clay allowed his eyes to drift back up to George, trying to tell George he was sorry with and without words. “I’m not perfect. I fucking tried to be and look where it’s got me. In a stupid while with no one willing to pull me out. I already lost Nick. I don’t wanna lose you too.” 

The sound of soft breathing filled the room as words flew like hot embers through the boys’ minds. George crossed his arms, hugging himself. 

“It’s my fault. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled. I made your life suck.” George’s words cut through the silence like a knife. Slow steps carried Clay across the room to George, where he proceeded to wrap his arms around the shorter boy. Clay felt like George was smaller than usual, standing in his arms. George shifted slightly, pushing his face into the soft folds of Clay’s sweatshirt, turning the fabric a darker color. Strong arms held tight around George. Clay buried his nose in George’s hair, letting them live in each other’s company. “I fucked up.” 

Clay leaned back a little before brushing George’s hair out of his face and laying a small kiss in the middle of his forehead. “It’s okay. Both of us suck, and we both fucked up.” George wiped his face and nodded as Clay talked. “We can be fuckups together.” A small giggle sounded from George and Clay felt as though some invisible weight in the room lifted. Clay allowed his mind to drift as George snuggled deeper into his arms. _Where do we go from here? I don’t think either of us have any more cards to play. What will we become? What are we in the first place?_

Some amount of time unbeknownst to Clay passed as they stood in that dark living room where time paused and the air buzzed with emotion. Little discoveries were made as Clay held George, like how the blonde’s hand was able to cover most of the small of George’s back, and how George would gently rub his head into Clay every once in a while. A shaky breath left Clay’s mouth as he fell backwards onto the couch, bringing George down with him. 

A few seconds later George broke the silence between them. “Ow,” the brunette said in a monotone voice muffled by Clay’s sweatshirt. 

Clay snorted and rolled his eyes. “ _You’re_ the one saying ow? You just fucking landed on top of me.” 

“Well you're the one who sat down. Besides, I would prefer not to have my face shoved into your collarbones.” 

‘I’m sorry, Mister I-only-have-subs-cause-of-my-face,” Clay replied sarcastically. “It would be such a crime if you got a mark on your perfect features.” A half-wheeze escaped Clay’s mouth before he pursed his lips, trying to keep in any more laughter. 

George slapped the blonde’s arm lightly, almost like a warning. “So you're implying you aren’t just my friend for my face?” George shot back sharply. 

“No- I’m definitely only here for your face. Your personality sucks.” Clay unwrapped his arms from around George and stuck them in front of his face, defending himself from any more attacks from the smaller boy. George leaned back from Clay’s chest, sticking his hands on his hips with a fake mad expression. A light laugh bubbled from Clay as he lowered his arms, looking at the boy in his lap. 

His breath caught in his throat. A slight blush rose to his cheeks as his eyes grew a little wider and his mouth opened in awe. Clay tried to absorb everything about the moment. The low lighting, the way George’s eyes seemed to glow, his own blonde hair falling in front of his face, how small George looked sitting in his lap, and even the light making George’s features look sharper, almost like a painting. _I think I love him._ Clay knew he’d said it thousands of times, but it was always friend-to-friend, nothing more, and nothing less. Even on the night at the beach, when Clay had said those three damned words to George, something had still been missing. But it was here now. In the dark living room in George’s house, where everything stood out in blaring loud colors and noise. Where whispers sounded like shouts, where emotions felt like hot lava that burned the skin of those nearby. Clay’s eyes dropped down to George’s lips and his face drifted slowly closer to the other boy. George met Clay in the middle, their foreheads bumping together softly. George’s breath was hot on Clay’s lips, making the blonde’s mind feel like TV static. 

“Is this okay?” Clay whispered, his voice barely reaching George’s ears. A small nod came from George. Clay leaned the rest of the way, closing the gap between his and George’s faces. The kiss was soft, and George’s lips felt like warm rays of sunshine on Clay’s lips. Clay pulled back from the kiss, letting his eyes open before George’s. The blonde watched as George’s eyes fluttered open, and their gazes met. “I-“ Clay swallowed, “-I think I love you.” Clay heard the difference in the words. It wasn’t just something a friend would say this time. Clay knew he meant it, and George knew he did too. George’s eyes searched for something in Clay’s green ones, before he released a soft breath. 

“I think I do too.” Clay’s heart started beating faster as the words came out of George’s mouth. The blonde let his eyes close with a sigh. 

“Thank God.” A small laugh followed Clay’s words and George giggled too. “I thought I’d ruined everything.” The laughter paused and George got a slightly serious expression. 

“Are we still going to tell people?” 

“Oh fuck.” George shot Clay a confused expression as he spoke. “Me-me and Sapnap got into a fight. About you.” 

Clay lifted his eyes to meet George’s concerned ones. “Why were you arguing about me?” 

“He was talking about how I always choose you over him and I got mad and he got mad and we haven’t talked since last night.” Clay felt sick again, his stomach turning over and over. George looked away from Clay, nodding his head softly. “I have to talk to him.” 

“Do you need me? For support or… something?” George whispered in a soft tone. 

Clay breathed in slowly, gaining his confidence. “I don’t know. Maybe. Oh god, what am I gonna say.” 

George placed a hand on Clay’s arm in a comforting gesture, and Clay pushed into the touch. “Tell him everything.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sun pushed at the edge of the horizon by the time Clay had finished talking to Nick. It had been tense at first, neither of them really knowing what to say. Short tempered words had passed between them. After time, the mood had lightened, and Clay did exactly as George said, he told Nick everything. The two boys had talked everything through and Nick had seemed calmer and more understanding afterwards. The hurt hadn’t changed in Nick’s voice, but seemed less apparent as the call went on, slowly dying out till only every few words had a hint of it laced in his tone. Clay and Nick had come to an agreement after a while of talking. After Clay got home from England, Nick and him were going to meet up at the blonde’s house. They hadn’t set a specific date when Nick was going to leave yet, but Nick had seemed relieved when Clay agreed to meet up. 

Clay let his head hit the pillow behind him, sighing softly. He held his hand up above his face, letting the low golden lighting dance on his fingers. 

A knock came from the door before it was slowly pushed open. 

“Hey,” George said, his words quiet. The brunette walked over to Clay and sat on the side of the bed. “So… what’s happening?” 

“After I leave and go back to Florida, Sapnap’s gonna head down and spend some time with me.” Clay turned his head to look at his boyfriend as he talked. George nodded, and looked like he wanted to say something. A hand slid into Clay’s own, causing the blonde to jump slightly. Clay let his eyes scan over George’s face, who was biting the inside of his cheek. Clay sighed, “I can tell you wanna say something, idiot, so just say it.” 

George’s cheeks gained a light pink dusting and the brunette fidgeted with his hands. “What if-,” George took a breath, “-What if I moved to Florida?” Clay felt his heart leap into his throat. “I could get an apartment or maybe a house and then-“ 

Clay cut George’s sentence off. “I have room.” Brown eyes landed on green, and Clay continued talking. “At least I think I do. Sapnap and I were talking about just getting a place to stay at and maybe him moving in with me. We could always save a room for you. If you want.” 

“Yea. That would be cool.” George said quietly, a smile dancing on his lips. 

“I’ll talk to Sap about it.” Clay felt himself smiling back at his boyfriend. The blonde squeezed George’s hand, warm feelings sprouting in his chest. _One week till I go back…_

~~~~~~~~~~~

The final days of his visit came and went like a morning breeze. The whole trip seemed almost like an extremely vivid dream. George had accompanied Clay to the airport, where they stood, waiting for Clay to enter the glass doors of the building. 

“I’ll call you when I get to Florida.” 

“You fucking better.” 

Clay snorted and rolled his eyes at the remark. The time drew nearer to departure, and clay let his eyes fall on his boyfriend. 

“I’m gonna miss you,” George whispered, his face turning a soft red. 

“You’ll see me in a month. I think you can make it, idiot. Besides, I’m gonna miss being able to do this!” As Clay finished speaking, he pushed his lips onto George’s, leaving the smaller boy stunned. 

George put on a pouty face after Clay pulled away. “You can’t just do that!”

“Yes I can. I’m your boyfriend now. You're stuck with me,” Clay teased, waving a finger in George’s face. Clay leaned down again, pulling George into another, longer, kiss. The blonde’s eyes fluttered open, having the feeling someone was watching him. His gaze landed on a woman, who looked as though she were in her early thirties. Her eyes went wide and a smile grew on her face as she waved at Clay. A small spark in his mind ignited his memory. _It’s that lady from when I was leaving for England._ Clay could remember turning bright red after she had called George his boyfriend. 

George shot Clay and the lady a confused look. “You know her?” 

“Sorta,” Clay replied. George placed one last kiss short on Clay’s lips. 

“Get to your flight. I’ll talk to you later.” George smiled at Clay as the blonde walked into the airport. Clay held the door open as the lady walked through after him. 

“I see you _do_ have a boyfriend,” the lady said, sending Clay a mischievous glance like a mother would. 

A short laugh bubbled from Clay as a blush rose to his cheeks. “Only recently.” 

“Well, in that case congratulations.” The lady waived and started walking towards another terminal. “It was nice seeing you again! Goodbye!” Clay waived back, an embarrassed smile covering his face. 

The wait to get on the plane passed as though it wasn’t there. Clay let his eyes close as he sat in his seat on the plane, drifting into a light sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sry this took so long! I rewrote it like 3 times lol but we r almost at the end now. :D


	12. Steal me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: swearing
> 
> Also, totally forgot to keep doing this, but songs! Washing machine heart- mitski, bubblegum bitch- marina and the diamonds, pacify her- Melanie Martinez, all the things she said- t.A.T.u., and BAD IDEAS BY TESSA VIOLET ;)

The phone fell on the bed beside Clay, the room now silent. As he had promised, the first thing the blonde had done when he got back to Florida was call George. The call had lasted for a few hours, simple topics of what they were going to tell people passing between the boys. Clay had originally said that they should tell all of their friends, but eventually changed to say they should tell only their close friends and family. George had opted for the second choice, and Clay had decided to tell his family after he got back to his house. 

Clay had been home for a while and still had yet to call his family. Something scared him about having to tell them about him being in another relationship, especially since they knew what happened with his last girlfriend. _George won’t be like that, though._ Clay let his head hit his pillow and rubbed his eyes, trying to clear his mind. A groan escaped his mouth. _What’re they gonna think when I tell them I’m dating a guy? Oh God, please be fine with it._ Clay pushed himself up into his elbows and glared at his phone which sat beside him on the bed. The blonde sighed, picking it up and unlocking it. His finger hovered over a name in his contacts for a second before gently tapping the screen, the sound of ringing coming through the speaker. 

A crackly voice came through the phone. “Hello? Clay?” 

“Hey, Drista.”

“I’m gonna stop you right there. You sound like you wanna go die in a hole, so either lighten the fuck up or I’m hanging up.” 

Clay growled lightly, already getting annoyed with his younger sister. “You know mom doesn’t like it when you cuss.” 

“Yeah yeah and you don’t like it when I call George your boyfriend but I do it anyway,” Drista retaliated, not letting Clay get the upper hand in the conversation. Clay felt his face go red as he heard his sister call George his boyfriend. 

Clay coughed uncomfortably, willing up the courage to tell his sister. “Uh, I actually… wanted to talk to you about that.” The blonde could practically see his sister lifting her eyebrow at him. 

“Go on.” 

“I- George-“ Clay stumbled over his words, trying to to string together a sentence. “George is… my boyfriend.” The blonde squeezed his eyes shut and said a silent prayer. 

“Finally.” Drista sounded both annoyed and glad. 

A confused expression rolled over Clay’s face. “What?” 

“It was starting to get painful watching you guys talk. You’re both just dumb lovesick boys who have no idea how to flirt. I guess your looks can’t help you with flirting if the person you’re tryna flirt with barely has any idea what you look like,” Drista rambled, sounding relieved to finally be able to say her thoughts. 

Clay felt his face turning bright red. “...what.” 

“Don’t just ‘what’ me.” Drista said mockingly. “Wait one sec.” Clay heard Drista tap something on her phone before the line went silent, no more talking coming from either side. “Sorry, I had to go on mute for a second. Now, I wanna ask some questions.” 

“What… type of questions?” Clay narrowed his eyes, waiting for the response. 

Drista sighed, “I don’t know, like, have you guys made out?” 

“What the hell type of question is that?!” 

“Answer the question, Clay.” 

Clay shifted in his seat before muttering, “Yes.” 

The next question came directly after Clay answered. “Have you guys had sex?” 

“What… WHAT?!” Clay yelled into the phone, wanting to strangle his sister. “No! Why do you wanna know anyway?” 

Drista giggled, and Clay could hear something moving around on the other side of the phone. “I just wanted to know how far you guys have gone.” 

“You’re so fucking weird.” Clay sighed, feeling his face warm up even more. 

“Oh, yea, mom wants to know when she’s gonna officially meet your boyfriend who you’ve definitely not had sex with.” 

“What the fuck! We haven’t had se-“ Clay’s eyes grew wide as he thought about what Drista had said at the beginning of the sentence. “Did you just say that _mom_ wants to know?” 

A fake sympathetic and innocent voice came through the phone. “I’m sorry, did I forget to mention that mom and dad are here and so are our siblings?” Drista giggled as a bunch of ‘hi’s came from Clay’s other sister and brother. 

Clay pursed his lips and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to will the thoughts about murdering his sister out of his head. “Hey guys.” 

“Is he hot?” Clay’s older sister asked suddenly. 

“You _literally_ know what he looks like, stupid! What the hell type of question is that?” Clay wrinkled his nose at his sister’s question. “‘Is he hot?’ Of course he is! It’s fucking George!” The blonde huffed, catching his breath after yelling. 

Laughter flooded from his family’s mouths. A short silence passed between them before Clay’s mother spoke. 

“So when do we meet him?” The question was truly innocent this time, his mom’s voice was soft. 

Clay sighed, “He’s coming to Florida in about a month.” Another call came through Clay’s phone as he finished talking. “Hey I’m gonna have to call you back. I’m getting another call.” 

“Is it your boyfriend?” Drista said in a sing-song voice. 

“In fact, it is.” Clay took the phone away from his face and almost pressed answer on the other call before quickly adding another word. “Bye.” 

The sound of his family saying ‘bye’ back was cut off as the answer button was pushed. 

A British voice came through the phone, sounding tired. “Hey, Clay.”

“Hey.” A silence settled through the call as they listened to the sound of each other’s breathing. 

George broke the silence and Clay closed his eyes, listening to his boyfriend’s voice. “Did you call your family?” 

“Yeah,” Clay paused, thinking of what he wanted to say. “My mom wants to meet you. Like officially.” George hummed a contented response. “What about your family.”

George snorted and Clay raised his eyebrows at the sound. “My parents and my sister all definitely knew that I liked you so I don’t think I surprised them at all.” 

Clay laughed lightly. “Yeah, my sister was being a bitch about us apparently being horrible at flirting.” A pause nudged itself into their conversation. 

“My sister also called me a bottom,” George blurted. The blonde snorted, laughter falling out of his mouth. 

“What the hell? Oh God, why is that so fun-“ Clay’s sentence was cut off as another wave of laughter hit him. Small beads of water formed at the corners of the blonde’s eyes. “I’m fucking crying!” 

“Oh my God, stop laughing!” George shouted through his phone. 

Clay could hear George blushing through the brunette’s voice. “You can’t even defend yourself cause you know it’s true!” Clay yelled back, laughter filling the gaps in his words. The blonde heard a smile forming on George’s lips as the shorter boy began to laugh along with Clay. 

“Minecraft?” Clay asked as the laughing died down. 

“Do you even need to ask?” George shot back. 

The conversation lulled into a comfortable banter between the two. It almost felt normal to Clay, just being able to talk with George. At some point during the call, both boys moved off their PCs and onto their phones, relocating themselves to their beds. 

A quiet snoring came from the other side of the call as Clay talked about an obscure Minecraft glitch he’d heard of on Reddit. Clay felt a small smile rose to his lips as he raised the phone to his mouth. 

“Goodnight, George,” Clay whispered before hanging up the call. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The chat flashed by on the monitor with variations of ‘hello’s and ‘hi’s popping upper in bright colors. George waved at the camera that sat in front of his face, smiling as he did. As people finished their routinely greetings that they said at the beginning of the stream, they noticed the change of background behind George. The brunette laughed lightly as messages in all capitals yelled at him about his room. 

“As you all probably noticed by now, my room’s changed! Normally you guys wouldn’t be able to see, but my green screen hasn’t gotten here yet.” George said in a light tone. His eyes flicked to one of his other monitors, where it displayed what his camera was picking up. A king bed and two nightstands were laying behind him, plus a few boxes on the ground. The sound of a donation rang through his ears. He quickly read the question the person had asked. “Yeah, I did move! I’m in America now. Thank you for the dono!” 

George clicked back to Minecraft, opening it up for the stream to see. The stream went smoothly, George trying to build yet another house (which would probably get griefed) and talking to his chat. Everytime one of the brunette’s friends would join the chat everyone would go crazy, once again saying ‘hi’ in all capitals. It wasn’t long before Tommy, Toby, Will, Luke, and Nick were all lurking in his chat. George had to admit, it felt good being able to stream in his new house with all his friends watching, besides Clay. As George started putting some decorations around his house, another donation popped up. 

_Your outfit looks nice today._

A smile rose to the brunette’s face. “Aw, thank you,” George paused, reading the name of the person who donated. A laugh escaped his mouth as a light blush rose to his cheeks. “Thanks, Cl-Dream.” George barely caught himself as his brain almost slipped up and called Clay by his real name. “Aren’t you supposed to be working on coding something right now?” George cocked one of his eyebrows, laughing lightly. 

The brunette did have to say that his outfit was pretty good. He wore a dark maroon crew neck with a white collared shirt under it. A thin gold chain also lay around his neck. 

George’s mood continued to get better as the stream went on, reaching the three and a half hour mark. The short boy heard the door to his room open, before closing again. The sound of footsteps came towards George. George’s eyes quickly flicked to the side before turning back towards his monitor. Clay had looked tired, he had been working on a code for a few hours and it was close to being done. George could see his boyfriend walking towards him out of the corner of his eye. 

“Hey, I’m st-“ George’s words were cut off as Clay’s lips landed on his own. Against the brunette’s will, George could feel his eyes fluttering closed. A hot rush of blood ran through George as Clay slipped his tongue into the smaller boy’s mouth. George regained control of his body and quickly pushed the blonde away, turning back towards his monitor and quickly clicking mute and turning off his camera. 

Clay looked tired and sad now, lightly rubbing his chest where George had pushed him. “Ow, that hurt Georgie.” Clay whined, sticking out his bottom lip in a pout. 

“Clay, I’m streaming!” George whisper-yelled, looking between his golden retriever of a boyfriend and the chat, which was pulled up on one of George’s monitors. Clay’s eyes went wide as George spoke, his green eyes immediately going to the camera. “It’s okay. I turned the camera off.” George said before Clay could even ask if the camera was on. The blonde let out a breath of air. “What are we-“ 

A loud voice screamed into George’s ears through his headphones, causing him to stop talking. 

“GOGY! What is up my man!? Who the fuck you over there making out with!? I didn’t know you were fucking dating someone!” Tommy yelled. George cringed as the boy finished shouting, unmuting himself from teamspeak, but keeping himself muted on the stream. 

“Hey Tommy.” 

“You getting some mad pussy, George?” 

George laughed uncomfortably, rubbing his neck. “Not exactly.” Clay flopped down on the bed behind him, watching as George talked to Tommy. The sound of another person joining the call rang through George’s headphones. 

“Tommy, I’m not sure if you’ve ever seen a woman, but that was _definitely_ not a woman who just kissed George,” A low voice with a heavy British accent said. 

“I think I’m more of a woman-expert than you, Wilbur Soot.” Tommy responded, drawing out the older boy’s name. 

Will sighed, “I’ve only spoken one sentence and I’m already tired of talking to the child.” George snorted at the remark, and Clay shot him a confused look, mouthing ‘what are they saying?’ at George. The brunette took his headphones off, turning up the volume all the way so his headphones acted more as a speaker so both boys could hear. 

“George, who was that?” Wilbur asked, his voice almost sounding like he already knew. 

Clay and George exchanged a look, trying to figure out what to do or say. Clay nodded once at George, his expression turning to something that looked like sureness. 

“Uh,” George cleared his throat, “that was D-Dream.” The brunette squeezed his eyes closed, waiting for the reaction. A hand snaked its way through George’s, rubbing small circles into the back of the smaller boy’s hand. 

“George, my man! You’re out here getting that dick millions of simps want!” Tommy yelled, laughing after. 

George turned bright red at the remark, covering his face with his hands as Clay started laughing along with Tommy. The brunette reached over and slapped his boyfriend's arm, giving him a stern look. 

“What the fuck, Clay. You're not supposed to be laughing too!” George crossed his arms and sat down on the bed next to Clay, blowing air out of his nose lightly. 

“Oooo!” Tommy said in a sing-song voice. “You guys are on first name basis now!” 

The sound of Will laughing came through the headphones. “Stop torturing the lovebirds Tommy. George, question for you, but how long has this been going on without us knowing?” 

“About a month and a half,” George whispered, his mic barely picking up his words. The two boys could head someone hit their desk before Tommy screamed loudly, causing the couple to jump in surprise. 

“What the fuck! Why didn’t you tell me!? I’m like your best friend besides Gogy, Dream!” 

Clay snickered before replying. “You were already like the worst person when it came to our own friends shipping us, so we definitely weren’t gonna tell you. Plus, the less people who know, the less who have to keep it a secret.” Tommy growled and muttered a few words before becoming silent. 

“What’re you gonna tell the stream?” Will questioned. 

Clay shrugged his shoulders, watching his boyfriend's eyes flick around the room when the brunette realized Clay didn’t have an answer. Sure, they’d discussed it, but they’d never thought something like this would happen. They’d been concerned about what would happen if they did say something. How would people react? 

_We could tell them. Let them all know George is mine._ Two small sentences shoved their way to the front of Clay’s mind. A small smile grew on the blonde’s lips, his hands pushing him up from where he had sat in the bed. 

“Clay?” George said, his voice quiet and shaking slightly from nerves. 

Clay let his boyfriend’s question roll off his shoulders as the blonde walked towards the shorter boy’s setup. The mouse slid across the mousepad, moving to the unmute button for his stream. Clay clicked it. 

“Hey chat.” Clay said, his mouth hovering next to the mic. The chat had already been going crazy, but it only got worse as Clay spoke. Donations kept coming with more and more questions that the chat wanted answered. A horrified look had come over George’s face and Clay winked at the shorter boy. A small chuckle left the blonde’s mouth. “Yeah, guys. That was me.” 

George’s eyes blew wide as Clay talked. “George is gonna end the stream. We have stuff to do.” The stream ended, showing only a black screen as the chat continues to go wild. Clay heard Tommy begin talking again before he hung up the call with him, not wanting to talk anymore.

“What the fuck, Clay?!” George yelled from where he was sitting on the bed. The brunette looked pissed off, staring at Clay. A hand stretched out in front of the smaller boy, beconning for him to grab it. Reluctantly, George placed his hand in Clay’s, getting dragged onto his feet. Clay pulled George close to his chest, looking his boyfriend in his eyes. 

“I’m gonna kiss you.” Clay muttered, hot breath mixing in between them. 

“You don’t have to ask.” 

“I wasn’t.” 

Clay slammed George back against the wall of their bedroom, tracing kisses up the brunette’s neck. A hand slipped under George’s shirt, pushing it upwards slightly. George bit his lip, trying not to make any sounds as Clay worked his way down to the older boy’s collarbone. Purple and red marks left a trail wherever Clay’s mouth travelled. A whimper left George’s mouth as Clay nipped at his collarbones. Clay let his hand travel downwards towards the waistband of George’s pants. 

The sound of a door swinging open caused George to push Clay away from him, the brunette now turning red. Nick stood in the doorway, still holding the door handle. 

“You did _not_ just do that on stream!” The boy said, laughing as he did. “And now you guys are literally making out!” Clay grinned at Nick’s remark. “Y’all are the weirdest housemates.” 

George looked like he wanted to shrink in on himself and disappear. Clay wrapped his arm around his boyfriend, pulling the brunette close to his chest. A few minutes passed as Clay and Nick talked, mentioning how they should probably stay off of social media for the next few days to let everyone cool down. All the while the boys were talking, George could feel the hand that had been wrapped around him sinking lower and lower on his body, till it was right above his ass. George spun out of Clay’s arms, hitting the blonde’s hand lightly. 

“No.” George crossed his arms and glared at his boyfriend. “You’re already on the naughty list today so don’t even try, idiot.” Clay let his arms fall to his sides, his face pulling a pouty expression. 

Nick laughed again before starting to pull the door closed. “I’m gonna leave you guys alone before Dream starts whining to me about how you don’t love him again.” 

The door shut and George turned to look at Clay again. 

“Why didn’t I love you?” George said, placing his hands on his hips. 

Clay rubbed the back of his neck. “You didn’t answer any of my calls for an entire day. I just thought… that maybe you were mad or something.” 

“Oh yeah, I remember that. My phone had about a thousand fucking notifications from you.” George smiled and shook his head as he finished talking. “You’re such an idiot.” 

“But I’m your idiot.” 

A laugh bubbled from George’s mouth and he lifted his eyes to meet Clay’s green ones. George stepped forward, raising himself onto his tip-toes, and planted a short kiss on Clay’s lips. Clay lifted his hands to George’s face, pulling the brunette back in for another kiss. 

“I love you, George.” Clay whispered, his eyes staying locked on his boyfriend’s face. George turned away, his face gaining a red tint.

“. . . love you too, idiot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap guys. I’ve finished it. Ugh. Hopefully y’all liked the ending. I’ve been planning this chapter since I started writing the story XD also, think I’m gonna write a student x teacher au next or college au or medieval au :D thanks for all of the wonderful support! I love you all!

**Author's Note:**

> Updates will be all over the place so I don’t even know. It’s my first work and idek how to do this.


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